hold me tight - phoenix

[aribelle e. marks]

i want you around just so that i can yell at you till i can't no more

aribelle was anything but weak. she wasn't weak. she had to to live through some of the hardest things in the history of hard things and she was still alive. she was still here walking with her blonde her held losely just about her boobs. from teaching herself school work to making sure her brother stayed out of trouble to making sure that hey had enough good to feed themselves to even making sure that they could survive. she had taught herself how to live especially when her father walked out the door when she was only eleven. that had been one of the biggest blows of her entire life just watching her father give her brother a twenty and walking out of their life like it would last them seven years until they turned eighteen. what did the man think? that two eleven year old kids could really take care of themselves? they sure turned the tables on them when they did. mostly because of hogwarts and their mother's monthly checks. but still, they went to go look for a homeless person to take care of the house while they were at hogwarts, that homeless person, who happened to be only 15, was more of a father to them than their father ever really was. he even dropped them off at king cross after ari and her brother came clean about hogwarts. he had a clear heart, he was a true person. a kind person. he was at least kind to the twins and that was all ari really needed to care for him.

it made him better than phoenix was in her mind. damn phoenix. damn him and stupid name. damn him and the way that he still made her feel. the butterflies, and the way that she could still feel her heart speedup every time she saw him, and slow down every time he walked away. she hated him for what he had done. she hated him so much but that didn't mean that she couldn't deny that in reality she had kept so much of herself hidden from him. he didn't know that she had spend half her life fighting, he didn't know that her best friend was geogie ogden, he diddn't know because he hadn't asked and because she hadn't told him because she hadn't wanted to tell him, how back of a girlfriend was she? but the only time when she wanted to be a really good one she was completely shut of out his life like a piece paper that he didn't want anymore, she wasn't to be treated that way. she was to be treated better than that, hell she was better than that, she knew that and she knew that phoenix knew that. just why had he been such a dick to her. if he hadn't wanted her to comfort him because of orion's death then he didn't have to push her away the way he had, he could have just told her that he needed time to deal with the death of his brother in law and his newphew and she would have understood, he just needed to talk to her. was that too much to ask for?

aribelle flipped some pages of her book, the story of edgar sawtelle who was a wuss in her mind. anyone who hadn't been through half of what she had been through what she had been through was a wuss. so what he was blind what ever! she was only eleven! at least he had three dogs! she only had a fifteen year old homeless boy and her twin brother! that was it! she stood up and just as she was about to walk towards her dorm for a nap she ran into someone. she quickly apologized but as soon as she looked up to meet the eyes of the one person who captivated most of her mind these days. angry rose in her. "hello phoenix,"

[/color] she huffed out angrily, she didn't want to talk to phoenix let alone when she had been thinking about how much she missed him just a few seconds before, she tried to keep her face looking at steady and as neutral as possible, he was the last person she wanted to see. [/div]

tag phoenix, picture to caution, shirt and shorts, hehe i thought might as well

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[phoenix n. malfoy]

you always thought that i was stronger - - - - -

love wasn't rocket science. despite having many an issue with the concept, phoenix malfoy knew that it wasn't as complicated as he was making it out to be. held between his fingers was a picture of himself and aribelle marks, taken in their final year at hogwarts. merlin, they had been so happy together. where had they gone wrong? oh, right. it had nothing to do with aribelle; this time, he had been entirely to blame. who was he kidding, he was always to blame when something went wrong in his relationships. it wasn't like he was the most honest guy around, and in that sense he typically thought that girls should have expected that sort of 'malfoy' behavior out of him. if anything could be said about his mother, it was that she had tried her best to make a weasley out of him. her efforts, valiant though they were, were completely futile against his grandfather's own attempts to make a malfoy out of him. needless to say, the finished product didn't have much use for successful relationships. ...or love in general, really. in reality, phoenix nothing to blame it on. it was his fault. it was always his fault.

it might not have bothered him so much, but...aribelle was different. she was different from katerina, different from georgie...different from everyone. aribelle was completely unique, and all her own. perhaps what seemed to frustrate him the most was that she had been in hufflepuff, and obviously wasn't pureblood. and then there was the fact that she was the only one who could get under his skin and drive him insane. merlin, even when she wasn't around she was still somewhere in his thoughts. when he held georgie's hand, it wasn't georgie's hand he was holding in his mind: it was aribelle's. it was alway aribelle, no matter who he dated or....well, anything else. fiddling with the picture that once held a pleasant memory, phoenix quickly placed it back in his upper desk drawer. it wasn't uncommon for him to dig out old pictures of him and belle in the middle of the night. he wouldn't let anyone else know it, but he always missed her. there wasn't a day that went by that some blonde haired beauty didn't remind him of her -- even the gardens at the university brought back some memories the two had shared. despite how hard he had tried, there was no running away from this mistake.

he desperately needed some air. being locked up in a dorm full of old pictures certainly wasn't going to help him any, and thinking about her for an extended period of time would send him looking after her to start up an age-old argument that they really didn't need to hash out again. phoenix quickly ran a hand through his messy hair and reached for his shirt, buttoning it up and stuffing his wand back into his jeans pocket. it wasn't likely that he would ever need it on campus, but he never failed to take it with him wherever he went. allowing the door to shut soundly behind him, phoenix glanced forward only to have someone run right into him. he quickly furrowed his eyebrows as a natural reaction, running his hands over his shirt despite a clear lack of dirt. that was when he heard her voice. that sweet, angelic voice that he hadn't heard in so long, that somehow held an angered tone in it now. phoenix stared at her, expressionless, for what seemed to be a minute before he could muster a response. "aribelle.

[/b]" phoenix nodded curtly, looking more like a malfoy than he had moments before. only draco could appear so cold when greeting a former love, but phoenix was currently running in close second. he cleared his throat, allowing his shoulders to slump forward somewhat as he felt the familiar anxiety sink back in. he had to remember that he couldn't act like himself when he was around aribelle, and trying to be cold and demeaning around her was next to impossible. "how've you been?" granted, the answer probably wouldn't be anything delightful, given the fact that the terms of their relationship ending were less than pleasant. phoenix cleared his throat again, knowing that her gaze would be nothing short of penetrating. "wonderful weather we're having." well, merlin. at least he was making intelligent conversation.
[/div]TEMPLATE BY VIKA OF CAUTION.[/center]

[aribelle e. marks]

i want you around just so that i can yell at you till i can't no more

phoenix malfoy had meant everything to her and more. there had been a point in her life when aribelle was sure that this was the boy that she was going to spend the rest of her life with. it wasn't just because she'd given him her virginity but because they had spend so much time together and they'd shared so much. aribelle had really fallen read over heels for the boy. he'd been every thing that she could ever want in a boy and more, what had started out as a silly school girl crush had turned into something so deep and so passionate that something aribelle pinched herself in the mornings when she woke up next to him to make sure that she wasn't dreaming. the memories were really beautiful. and she'd made sure to never speak of family or blood status mostly because she knew how much it had meant to him that she wasn't pureblood even though he wasn't pureblood himself. his family held such a rank that sometimes aribelle found it funny that he had turned out with such as blood as she though she'd never dream of saying so. after all when you're in love with someone you look over certain flaws that they had just because they are who they are. aribelle had done such a thing for phoenix. she had looked over every single flaw that he had presented and turned it into perfection because there was no getting better than what had been placed in front of her. there was no getting better than phoenix. then he broke her heart the way he did. stomped on it the way he had. killed it, destroyed it and persecuted it, not to mention simply murdered it for a lack of better words, she'd been devastated for months, not being able to face anyone. or barely even go outside. her world had crash down. her wings had been ripped out of their sockets but that had been a year ago.

she was better now. or as better as you could get when the love of your life told you that he never wanted to see you again. really. aribelle had gotten through it though only to be launched back down when what happened to georgie happened to her. georgie lost her memory and while aribelle had barely kept in contact with her mentor while in her relationship with phoenix, to which she felt a terrible guilt for, she didn't remember aribelle, at all. none of the hogwarts memories that they had spend together or anything and it killed a soft part of aribelle but there was nothing that she could do but be tough and move on. that was how she had learned to deal things. it was the way that she had always learned to deal with things. be tough and get through it, there's a light at the end of the tunnel... there's has to be. how ever when you bump into your walking wings you wish that those wings would burn in hell that way they could become ashes and you could bury them in the sahara. she pressed her lips together angrily when he said her name. she hadn't heard his voice in so long and she was doing just fine with out him, after all she had ian now. and ian was a complete gentleman. ian was sweet... but ian wasn't phoenix. "phoenix."

[/color] her voice appeared just as cold, two could play it that way, her mind rang. she knew that he wasn't this cold, this was a facade, she knew the actual phoenix, the one that laughed with her by the lake and the one that had snowball fights with her. she almost smiled at the thoughts. almost. she raised an eyebrow at his question, silently asking if he truly really cared. before she had a chance to answer though phoenix cleared his throat again and comment about the weather. aribelle started to laugh. "you are just as dumb as i remember."[/color] yes the comment was mean but she wasn't about to talk about the weather with him. "you want to talk about the weather! you haven't seen me in almost a year and you want to talk about the weather? oh yeah! lovely weather we're having," she hope the sarcasm burned him because the glare wasn't removed from her face just increased. yup the hufflepuff was definitely pissed off. [/div]

tag phoenix, picture to caution, shirt and shorts, ouchy she no likey him

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[phoenix n. malfoy]

you always thought that i was stronger - - - - -

phoenix malfoy was anything but stupid. in fact, he was rather intelligent thanks in part to his mother being rose weasley, but somehow when it came to love he was anything but smart. that much had been proven in the case of aribelle marks, his ex-girlfriend and the girl that he still managed to have feelings for. how that had managed to happen when he was the one who had broken it off to begin with....surprisingly wasn't all that complicated. death was one thing that phoenix apparently didn't know how to deal with; he had learned that the hard way. dahlia was his sister, and although the two rarely spent holidays together lest it be at the malfoy household, he still adored and respected her. when his sister and only sibling had gotten married, phoenix had taken it upon himself to become friends with the bloke, despite what his blood purity or political views might have been. dahlia's son quickly became one of the only reasons he ever visited home on holiday, which upset his parents greatly...but was true, nonetheless. so when both her son and husband were killed, it took a serious toll on phoenix as well. not nearly as much as it had on dahlia, but it had affected him in a drastic way. for a short time, he cut off contact with all of his friends, including lucian who he had known for his entire life. the one person he would have never thought to cut out was aribelle, who never failed to put a smile on his face regardless of the situation. however, this time was different -- and as time passed on, phoenix realized that he was becoming more and more irritable, and less able to spend any time with anyone, let alone his girlfriend. his feelings had no part in it, which he had tried to get across to her. but break-ups were hard regardless of the reasons why, so phoenix wasn't surprised when aribelle had been upset with him. of course she was upset; they were supposedly in love, and she had been there for him, just like anyone might have been had he let them.

merlin knew his mother hadn't been happy with him since then. both of his parents loved and adored aribelle; truth be told, they often told him that he had lost the 'best thing that had ever happened to him'. hearing those things certainly didn't help him any, but it frequently brought back the fact that regardless of how much he had hurt her, he still couldn't bring himself to stop missing her. phoenix had an odd way of showing it, but he still loved aribelle marks a whole lot more than anyone gave him credit for. he hadn't sent her flowers or wrote her a song just yet, but even lucian had seen phoenix drag out old pictures of the two of them just to keep her memory fresh in his mind. and for a malfoy, anything even remotely sentimental should have been recorded as miraculous. he would have never told it, but seeing her with ian killed him inside. knowing that she was happy with someone else partly relieved him of having to worry about her moving on, but it hardly made him feel better when the other half of that truth meant living without her. he wanted to slap himself for thinking such things -- as a malfoy, he had expectations to be cold, distanced, and aloof -- but this wasn't just any girl; it was ari, his ari. the girl that frequently made him eat food that he had never tried before, the girl that actually made him enjoy shopping, the girl that helped him match his socks.....the girl that actually made him feel something good for the very first time in such a long time. phoenix missed that girl, and from his perspective it wasn't all that hard to see why. his eyes glanced upward, his jaw still tightened from the last time he had spoke. he immediately registered her cold expression, which clearly matched the tone in her voice. phoenix's eyebrows furrowed when she began to laugh. he shifted his weight to the other foot, crossing his arms. "well, you're just as beautiful as i remember. good to see that nothing's changed." he smiled, which quickly drew into a smirk. phoenix laughed at the end of her rant, shaking his head as his gaze suddenly turned serious. "honestly, ari? you honestly want to know? because if i was being honest, i'd tell you that i don't want to talk about the weather. actually, i don't really want to talk at all. because everytime i'm around you i'm reminded of two very irritating things. first is the fact that i was stupid enough to lose you to begin with, and second, that you're dating someone who isn't me. so no, i don't really want to talk about the weather. did that answer your question?" phoenix said, exhaling a bit. he blinked, and for a moment couldn't actually register all that he had just said. he raised a hand to his mouth, shaking his head, then dropped it by his side. "er, just... just forget that i said anything." he muttered, quickly walking past her. godric, he really needed to acquire a filter for that mouth of his.

TEMPLATE BY VIKA OF CAUTION.

[aribelle e. marks]

i want you around just so that i can yell at you till i can't no more

aribelle got a lot of mixed feelings from the gorgeous malfoy that had once occupied her entire mind and all of her thoughts. he'd been her first true love and the way that they had slowly drifted apart, the way that he had ended things between them, or the better use of the word, the way he had tore things between them had broken her, shattered her world into a state that she hadn't known possible. it had forced her into a depression, for a while the bubbly blonde didn't even leave her room. she wouldn't come out afraid, ashamed of what had happened between the duo, feeling that everything, including the break up, was all her fault... it was her fault. she'd messed up in believing that a malfoy could actually care for her. after all there were so many things wrong with her. not only was she clearly too bubbly for the boy, too alive for him, she was also a half blood and though more than half the time she tried to assure herself that that wasn't the reason that he had completely ended things... sometimes she couldn't help in a fit of rage just throw in there. didn't he know already that their blood statuses were the same? that he was just were she was? that she lo- had cared for him in a level so great it had physically hurt her? but he didn't seem to really give two damns when it came to ari. he'd made up his mind when he shut her out completely as soon as she tried to approach the boy, to comfort him in orion's death, in the events that had followed, in everything. aribelle just wanted to be there for him because after all she was his girlfriend but phoenix couldn't learn that another human being could actually care enough about him.

however running into him was not part of her daily routine... if anything actually the blonde did anything in her possible power to avoid him because she simple didn't want to see him at all. she hated the way her heart still did a little flutter, though she promptly told it to stay put and to stop it because it was only phoenix and she hated the fact that she had to hate him. in all honesty she would have rather been in love with him it just made her life so much easier than it was at the current moment. she liked being in love with phoenix but that wasn't the case at the moment. because in the end... he had broken up with her, he had ended things, he had broken her heart, he had shattered her to pieces it was all his fault and she hated him for it. or at least that was what she told herself at night. she secretly hated when he shifted his weight from one foot to the other although that might have just been her judgement from right that second. she glared at the compliment, somehow she wasn't too keen on liking. "when you cut the bad seed out, the flower gets better... you should know that,"

[/color] she said smiling very sarcastically, she hoped that for as smart as he claimed to be, he got the metaphor that she had placed on his lap. his laugh shook her off her stance, almost as if shaking her very existence. her mouth completely dropped to the ground at his words, because he had said honestly at least four times and somehow she wanted to believe that he meant it... it wasn't to let him off the hook though. "you're still such a baby... you can't even stay on topic for ten seconds,"[/color] groaned lightly aribelle rolling her eyes. her temper was still clearly well above what her bubbly self was used too and his angry ari was something that her body was trying to adjust to. she turned around as he walked past her growing even angrier. "oh no you don't phoenix nigellus malfoy! you come back here and act like a man! merlin... ugh you shattered me! remember? it's your fault that we are in this mess and i'm over you... i'm so over you,"[/color] it was a blatant lie but she wasn't about to tell him the truth. [/div]

tag phoenix, picture to caution, shirt and shorts, o.o him

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[phoenix n. malfoy]

you always thought that i was stronger - - - - -

if being vain was a good thing, then phoenix malfoy would definitely be the most popular guy at the university. granted, it did get him quite a few allies as far as political power went, but it was the last thing people looked for when choosing their friends. because of that small factor, phoenix spent a great deal of his time alone. despite having close friends like lucian flint, the eldest malfoy found it hard to associate with his peers. it wasn't as though they were worthy of having him as a friend, anyway. but besides that, there were a few purebloods who looked down upon him for being half-blood, rather than the fact that he acted as pure as they were. he was still a malfoy, afterall....didn't that count for something? anything? to draco and lucius, phoenix was as good as anyone else. to his own parents, he was better. but there was nothing better than being pureblood, and even phoenix knew that. even those beneath him knew that; all it took was a little common sense. despite his actual blood status, though, he did still have money. he was well in good favor with his grandparents, so regardless of who his mother was, phoenix still had connections with the malfoy family. that wasn't to say that the weasley family was completely downtrodden; they were a lovely bunch of people, truthfully enough. but as it went, they just weren't very useful to phoenix in the way that the malfoys were. he always attended the christmases at hermione and ron's house, but that wasn't to say that he actually enjoyed it. while they loved him as grandparents generally did, they never had anything to talk about. phoenix discussed his grades and his grandmother frequently inquired about that 'lovely' girl aribelle and his future plans, but otherwise conversation was slim to none. with draco and astoria, phoenix could freely talk about his hopes and dreams. he could discuss his want -- no, his need -- to be just as influential as lucius had been.

of course, being so attached to the malfoys wasn't such a good thing, sometimes. to everyone else, he was just another version of his grandfather, intent on holding back the change that had been initiated by his own father and mother. to people who didn't know much about phoenix, it appeared as though he hated his own mother. although it's not far from the truth when she begins her regular lectures on how he should be treating everyone equally, phoenix actually does love his mother, and his father. it's an understatement saying that he adores his sister, dahlia, considering how distraught he was when orion died. it was the sole reason why he had broken up with aribelle in the first place. merlin knew that he wouldn't have broken up with her for any other reason. she was the same as he was, when he thought about it for a while -- though she wasn't a malfoy, she was certainly just as pure as he was. which, according to some, wasn't very pure at all. phoenix tried to remind himself of that as he stood next to her, but ari was just as stubborn as he was... and needless to say, that made their conversation that much more difficult to endure. phoenix shook his head at her for a moment, raising a brow. "oh, let me guess.... i'm the bad seed, right?" he lightly rolled his eyes, his jaw clenching for a moment. he thought for a moment, then laughed softly, though it came out sounding more like a scoff than a laugh. "and sometimes, the flower dies regardless." he replied again, his voice low. it wasn't difficult for phoenix to be rude to anyone, but when it came to aribelle.... well, those were the only ones that seemed to hurt him, too. hearing her response, his mouth dropped slightly as his eyebrows furrowed. "are you kidding me? i'm honest with you for the first time since we've broken up, and you're calling me a baby? you just... frustrate me to no end, aribelle." phoenix shook his head, clenching his jaw again. he exhaled, shrugging his shoulders violently. "you told me that you don't want to talk about the weather, so i didn't. i told you precisely what's on my mind, and you call me a baby. what exactly would you like us to talk about, ari? how much you hate my guts? 'cause i could find anyone on this campus to carry on that conversation, babe." phoenix had begun to walk off, and wasn't all that surprised to hear aribelle yelling after him. "what is it with you women and always having the last word?" he muttered, turning to face her again. phoenix raised his eyebrows at the word 'shattered' -- did she think that he actually enjoyed breaking up with her? merlin, had he went about the grieving process all wrong. he simply stared at her for a moment before walking back up to her, leaving their faces only an inch away from touching. "over me? well, i guess there's no point in having this conversation, then." phoenix grazed her jaw with his thumb before inching away from her, turning back around to walk off again. he didn't want to be anywhere but with aribelle, but that seemed to be the last thing on her mind right now.

TEMPLATE BY VIKA OF CAUTION.

[aribelle e. marks]

i want you around just so that i can yell at you till i can't no more

aribelle could not ever want to admit how much she had been in love phoenix. it was quite hard not to however because of the simple fact that phoenix was such a big part of her life. aribelle couldn't quite see her life in order anymore. it was difficult. she wanted so be so much more than what she was at that moment. she wanted to be whole again. she wanted to be able to experience something true without feeling guilty or feeling like she was cheating on phoenix. she'd never been with anyone but phoenix and she still had that voice in the back of her mind every time she hook up with another guy, it told her that she was cheating, that she was doing something completely wrong. that she needed to stop and run back to phoenix and apologize for cheating on him because some parts of her still felt as though they were together even if they had broken up a year ago. it still stung as if the wound was freshly cut. she still felt as though they were together and still felt as though they were. and ari hated that feeling. she wanted it cleaned out of her system. she didn't want to feel as though he owned her. was that how it would be like for the rest of her life? would she feel like his slave, like his property until the day she died? or until the day she married or feel in love with another man... that simple thought made aribelle quiver. the thought of being in love with someone other than phoenix was just too unreal for her... almost like having the air sucked out of her. but what if it actually happened. what if one day, she actually turned her back on phoenix forever and never looked back. ari scared herself shitless with that thought.

she could still sense him. sense how close they still were. she hated that. she could still even picture it. the last christmas she's been to. his family, or at least the weasley side, had adored her, his parents too, however one wouldn't say the same thing for his grandparents on his fathers side. aribelle knew her blood and she knew it well. she knew her mother and she knew her father. she knew were she came from and she knew what she stood for. she wasn't afraid or ashamed or where she came from... sometimes she felt that phoenix was ashamed of halfblood... maybe he was. that was one of things she wanted to change about him. however that might had never changed. she scoffed at him lightly. why was it that every time he spoke she wanted to hit him. "ding ding ding, you've gotten smarter in the past year... i'm slightly impressed,"

[/color] however her face was clear of any sort of emotion and her voice was flat, she rolled her eyes too just to add a little bit more of an effect for him. she could feel her nostrils flare up slightly with anger at his next statement about the flower dying. for a second she was hurt. truly hurt. in the metaphor they were speaking she was the flower and for him to say that she would die, well that hurt. "the flower isn't that weak,"[/color] she battled, smiling for half a second then dropping it. aribelle's hands were becoming fists but she released them, if she were to hit him, she wanted to slap him in order to leave a red mark not a blue one. the fact that phoenix seemed to almost enjoy yelling at her was not pleasing but seeing the emotion roll off his body was soothing, surprisingly. "phoenix! don't you dare walk away from me! you've done enough of that already!"[/color] the fact that she sounded like she was about to cry for the second sentence was completely out of her control. she cleared her throat quickly though to compose herself. "i may hate you but you brought that upon yourself and you know it. this conversation is your fault. i can't ignore what happened between us. just tell me one thing... why,"[/color] the odd thing was, aribelle knew why phoenix had broken up with her, she just didn't want him to go just yet. she wanted him to stay. even for a little. [/div]

tag phoenix, picture to caution, shirt and shorts, :)

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