LOST IN YOU

[caden n. stretton]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,10,true][atrb=style,background-image: url('http://i53.tinypic.com/wb98wn.jpg');,true] MAKE ME MELT ! This had to be what it felt like to get high. It just had to- there was no other explanation to explain what he was experiencing with his feelings right now- clouds were carrying him around where he moved. His steps were fluffy and light, his mind dazed and so overly happy that it was content; at peace with itself. Back in the days when Caden had problems and went to a self-destructive state to cope, he had never turned to drugs. The only thing he had misused was alcohol- and knives, but that was a whole different category on the subject of self abuse. Humming around his house, Caden had only recently moved out of his Aunt and Uncles place, having stayed around to keep his Aunt from worrying about him. After many long discussions about him growing up and needing to learn how to be fully independent, he was allowed as long as he visited or at least contacted them once a week. When Caden had proposed moving out, he never had done it to get away from them. Family- at least this part of his family- was the most important thing to him. He loved them with all his heart and couldn’t ever thank them enough for taking him in when his parents up and left him. His Uncle had made him a deal when he had said he was going to University. As long as he stayed in school, his Uncle would help with rent. Caden hadn’t known at that point that he already had a house picked out, not too far from the University but still a good area. The house was beautiful. He couldn’t believe it was.. well, his. Caden’s Uncle Liam had pulled a few strings and the realtor, happening to be a good friend, cut them a good deal. There were some days Caden would wake up thinking it was still all a dream. This, however, wasn’t why he was on such a high. The reason had nothing to do with his new house, actually. Instead, it had to do with his best friend. Upon hearing that Adalia Nott was back in town, Caden wasn’t sure how he felt. When she up and left, he had felt abandoned all over again. “Everybody leaves” was a saying he thought more to being true, no matter how much he worked on not trying to think that way. Getting passed his initial anger of her leaving and now returning and wanting to meet up, he had found a different way of looking at the situation. Yes, Adalia had left but now she was back and tonight she had promised to give him a reason as to why. Although he hadn’t said it out loud, the Ravenclaw boy knew that he couldn’t stay mad at her, no matter what she did or what the reason was. Even if it was that he woke up from one of their sleepovers (totally non-sexual) looking so ugly she had to disappear from the state. Caden saw it as a full-out possibility, as he could clearly remember there last sleepover, her seeing him shirtless for the first time. He had been too hot during the night and shed his shirt, totally forgetting about it the next morning. When he went into his room- having let her sleep on his bed, and taken up the couch himself- to bring her breakfast, he had noticed then that he was missing it. There couldn’t have been a brighter shade of red on a rose than what appeared on Caden’s cheeks. In any relationship, friend or intimate, it either worked or didn’t. That was the risk factor that life threw at everyone every day. With Adalia, Caden knew that it would always be worth the risk. The girl was important to him, no matter what she treated other people like at times. No one was perfect and he knew about her better side- the side that was more light than dark. That was the Adalia he would hold onto forever. Why, why, why had she left though? It was a reoccurring question that went on in the young man’s head. It made absolutely no sense to him. Adalia was a tough girl, so it would have taken a lot for her to just up and leave the city without telling anyone- especially him! Caden had thought he made it clear that she could trust him with anything, no matter what. He was different than other guys, and always was up for proving that he would never be a douche bag. There were already enough of those guys stalking around town. Sighing, he left his living room to go into the kitchen to get snacks while they sat down and talked. She was due in about fifteen minutes, so Caden grabbed whatever was closest- making sure to grab what he knew was her favorite at the same time. Laying them back down on the living room table, he could already hear Adalia asking him where he got the gift of design from. With a sigh, he knew his Aunt would love to be here to hear it too because after all, she had been the one to get her hands on the place. Going over to his room and changing into some fresh clothing, Caden heard the doorbell ring as he was letting his shirt fall over his midsection. Taking a deep breath and gathering himself (and his variety of feelings) together, Caden started over toward the door. At first, Caden had proposed a fun-filled reunion between the two of them. He had wanted to go to the amusement park off of campus, as he hadn’t been able there yet and it was a.. different type of encounter; something that they could both remember easily. However, his idea had been declined. Apparently the reason as to why she had left would keep them from going to such a place this time around. Caden found himself confused at this, but none the less agreed. They have tons of time to do things like that, and really he did just want to catch up with her, make sure she’s okay and kept well cared for when she was away. Oh. And most importantly, make sure that she was going to be staying in town. For good this time. Caden didn’t know if he could take any more random disappearances- from her especially, but from other people as well. He liked his life to stay the same. Change wasn’t something the Ravenclaw boy went looking for. To be honest, it made him uncomfortable and sick to his stomach in most cases. Placing his hand on the cold brass handle of the door, he twisted the door open to reveal his best friend.. and a surprise that had him widening his eyes immediately. He was right- it had taken something big for her to run. However, the hurt feelings were returning. Caden could feel his smile turning into a slight look of confusion mixed with hurt. Caden Stretton was speechless. 1180 WORDS , ADALIA , HOUSE , listening to ZOEY SNORE , OMG!

table by california dreaming @ caution 2.0

[adalia l. nott]

but then you assure me
I'M A LITTLE MORE THAN USELESS

mother. adalia nott. they were never two words that anyone would have really imagined to go together. mothers were typically responsible type women, those with initiative and the intuition. adalia had none of those things. before becoming pregnant, her path in life wasn't even a path at all. what she had done was just wander around (drunk and stumbling most of the time) while doing motions that she seemed to think people wanted to see her make. her father had always been one who pushed her, along with her older siblings, but adalia had had no idea where her life was going. in all honesty, she had always just figured that her life would consist of being put up in an arranged marriage or something of that sorts. whatever it was that pleased her family, she would have done. however now, she doubted that anyone would want adalia arranged to marry their son, what with her bastard child and all.

her first year of college had been a drunken mess and a blur at that. there had been numerous nights where caden, her very best friend, had to come retrieve her from some odd place. but he always would and always held her hair back when she felt sick. none of her first year spelled out any word close to responsibility. now, over a year later, she was back in england with a child in tow. she was a different person. of course, it was easy to say that that had shocked a good number of people. her family, blake sykes (who fathered her child), and various old friends from school. some even talked that she still wasn't the type to be a mother. but they didn't know the real her. hell, she hadn't even know the real her until recently. there had always been one person who did though and stuck with her for so long. caden stretton was someone who adalia had always counted on and always knew would make her feel like a better person. he had the energy and spirit that people could feed off of. that's why, of everyone she knew, he was the only one that she had actually stayed in contact with after she left. out of everyone, he had been the one that she constantly thought about and constantly missed. he was the one she felt most guilty about leaving and had almost been the one person she spilled her secret to and asked him to come be with her in monaco when lucas was being born. but also out of everyone, he was the one that she had felt she disappointed the most.

so of course it was only natural that caden was one of the few that she wanted to see immediately once she returned to england. however, her homecoming was less marvelous than she had imagined it to be. a broken rib and a face (and body) full of contusions or bruises, it was less than acceptable for her to be seen by anyone in public. that's why a couple weeks had to pass, and caden was still not the first person she had to see. blake sykes was, in a promise that she made to herself and to lucas. but her best friend was the next on the list, not because she owed him, but because he was the only one she so deeply wanted to see. he would be so happy about the person she had become now. when caden had written her, part of her once again felt guilty. she hadn't written him in quite a while, a month at least. when her boyfriend had discovered her letters with caden, he had been less than pleased and hit her. from then on, she had taken an absence from writing despite never having caden not on her mind. even when she was with her boyfriend. reading his letter though and his suggestion to meet at an amusement park, her heart sank a little. lucas prevented several things, including things like outings to amusement parks. for a child that young, it was definitely not the place. adalia had written back suggesting just hanging out at his place as she had things to talk about with him. boy, did she have news for him.

as she stood outside his door though, baby carrier in hand, adalia felt an overwhelming sense of anxiety. what if he was angry with her? what if he didn't like lucas? what if he was disappointed in her? her meeting with blake had been an emotional rollercoaster. what she needed, no what she wanted, was to lay with caden and talk. she wanted his arms around her, in a strange way that was something she hadn't really ever felt before. he had always been her rock, seen her at her best and worst. but he seemed to love her anyway despite the bitch she used to be. he was the gentleman who slept on the couch if she ever feel asleep in his bed, who would bring her breakfast in the morning. what adalia had never realized before she left was that she had left behind the perfect guy. but at the time, she knew that she would only be a further disappointment to him. even now she was nervous that she would be. who could love someone with a bastard child? shaking those type of thoughts of caden from her head though, adalia walked up the steps and onto the porch. her free hand nervously rang the door, quick to run a hand over her hair to check it's maintaining look after. god, had she been this nervous with blake? it seemed not.

as soon as she started to hear caden open the door, it felt as though her stomach dropped to her feet. lucas, fast asleep in the carrier now being held by her forearm, seemed to be heavier than usual. her eyes laid on the face of her best friend and the whole world seemed to melt away for two reasons. first was for the smile on his face, one that she had missed so dearly. the second was that the smile quickly faded the faster he laid eyes on the rest of what she had brought along with her that day. adalia nervously bit her lip for a moment. "hi caden," she finally spoke a moment later, the hints of a nervous smile breaking upon her lips. all she could think of was that she prayed he didn't turn around and walk away, slamming the door on her. he wasn't hard to read, but it also helped knowing him so well. the look of hurt was all over his face, but she did her best to try to ignore the ache in her heart knowing her actions were (and had been) causing him pain. "i've missed you," was all she could say next though. it was the only thing she felt she could say, aside from the thousands of apologizes lined up behind her teeth. those would have to be saved for later, if there even was a later.

tagged: caden stretton - - word count: 1190 - - lyric credit: relient k - - graphic/template credit: myself - - notes: i love them already. :3

[caden n. stretton]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,10,true][atrb=style,background-image: url('http://i53.tinypic.com/wb98wn.jpg');,true] MAKE ME MELT ! One thing Caden had always been was caring. As a child, he was always looking out for his little sister Leslie. When they had disappeared, he worried about her daily, still to this day not stopping that anxiety deep down. With all of his friends, he would make sure they were safe and healthy. He hated to think that anything negative could occur. He had experienced the feeling quite bad, and Caden didn’t want anyone to have to experience it. The result of his family leaving him behind had been so devastating the things he had done.. well, Caden still couldn’t believe it. He was a changed person for quite awhile. Until he was rescued, he had been going on the wrong path in life. Completely. Being fully aware that one was drilling them self into the ground and still allowing it to continue because one has given up is not a freeing feeling. Honestly, it’s yet another weight put on the shoulder of the sufferer, which is the last thing they need. Shaking his head, his stomach was telling him that if he continued to think about the feelings he had all those years ago, it would upset him a great deal and stat aching for hours upon end. Sighing, he swallowed one, ran a hand through his hair and lit up a candle. Caden had lived his whole life creating fantasies for himself. Even though things didn’t work out as planned, the Ravenclaw boy didn’t seem to be able to help sometime at times. For years now, the eldest Stretton boy had been crushing on his best friend. Although he had never admitted it out loud, in his head there was always something going on. Ideas, wishes- things he never thought could happen, but still wished for. There was a variety of things that he would dream about, almost like a girl (and in honesty, in many ways he dreamed about fairy tales- though only him being the prince for a princess instead of a prince coming to him), as he did think about love, though he thought about his family as well. He fantasized about what life would be like if he never was left. How his house would be if he had a puppy, since he was never allowed to buy a puppy growing up for reasons unknown. Those subjects took about .03% his fantasy brain. The rest was left for the special girl he thought he had lost forever: Adalia Nott. Because of the high capacity of 99.7% that she took up in fantasy land, Caden opened the door and saw a baby carriage, having his heart come near a stopping point. Instead of stopping, it ended only plummeting about a few thousand miles or so into the ground. Had they had sex? No. They hadn’t. Caden had dreamed about having kids with Adalia, though not until he was out of University and had a stable job to support his family with, but the part of actually conceiving the children he had been gentlemen enough to skip- no matter how much the testosterone in his brain was telling him to undress her with his eyes all the time. Dammit Caden swore mentally, wishing somehow that little child in the carrier was his. There was no way possible that it was, unfortunately, as he had only had sex once and the girl hadn’t been Adalia. He wasn’t even sure what her name was, truthfully, and he wasn’t proud of that either. What if she was pregnant? Nah, he had used protection. That much he could remember. Caden nipped at the bottom of his lip as he took Lucas’ appearance in. He was adorable, that much was undeniable. The thing that popped out the most at Caden was his eyes, as they were the same shape and color as his mother’s already. Moving his eyes up from the carrier, noticing now that he had been staring, to the girl he had been waiting for, he took in another deep breath. She was absolutely beautiful. The fact that she looked the same as when she had left made him want to believe that she hadn’t ever left to begin with, hadn’t ever kept such a big secret from him? Why had she kept such a big secret from him! Caden found himself offended on instinct, though as his reasonable, leveled mind thought on it, he noticed that for a girl, being pregnant was hard enough. He could only imagine what was said about young mothers these days. The generation that they lived within was harsh and although Adalia was a tough girl, nobody could stay thick as steel forever. After all these days of sticking it out strong and pretending that he was alright when, really, he was anything but there were things that could crack him in half; break the façade he had worked so hard to build up so strong. A great example of this was right now, when his smile disappeared because of the shock presented to him. It took a lot for him to not be able to control himself. The only other recent activity that he had lost himself for a moment in was when he had thought he saw his sister- or at least what he thought an older Leslie would look like- across the campus. Seeing a person from a distance, a baby; it was always the little things which were more difficult to cope with. Suddenly regaining his ability to move and speak, he stepped forward, took the baby carriage from Adalia and placed it just behind him within the house. Without pausing, he turned back to her and hugged her, tucking her right into his chest. Resting his cheek on top of her hair, he closed his eyes and let out a breath before whispering ”I missed you too, Adalia.”

[/b] Caden had noticed the stress on her face, paired up with the nervous smile. He didn’t want her to feel any anxiety. This visit was supposed to be one that made both of them smile endlessly. They were supposed to be catching up. Letting her go after a few minutes, there had been no way he was letting go of her right way. A few letters here and there over the last century (exaggeration, much? Not for Caden!) weren’t enough to keep him at ease. At first when his letters had stopped coming, he had worried but instead he had given her space because his Uncle had told him that she was probably going through a lot and needed to think it out wherever she was. Although he listened, he didn’t completely. Underneath his bed in a wooden box were twenty-six letters, each separate letter about a different stressor he was having involving her at that time. He had behaved by not sending them; it had killed him to do so though. Caden hated just sitting back and watching. It wasn’t how he rolled! Worrying was like his job- he didn’t get paid to do it, but the result was worth just as much to him. Turning towards the carrier now, he looked at Adalia once more. ”Shall we bring him into the house? Sit down and talk while he’s napping?”[/b] he asked, not wanting to pick up his carrier again. Caden wasn’t sure whether she was the nervous-type when it came to mothers, only wanting to do it herself. He had no problem picking it up but he hadn’t been able to see her reaction when he had taken the carrier out of her hand to hold her in his arms. ”I can carry him in, if you’d like.”[/b] he added, hoping that if she did have a problem with it, she’d say something instead of just trying to look passed something that made her nervous. Caden wasn’t even sure if she trusted him anymore- how would he? She had had him under the impression that she trusted him with anything, and now looking at Lucas it didn’t seem that way. Trying to not to negative about it, he wasn’t upset with her. All he felt was confusion and what he had done to be such a bad, untrustworthy friend to tell. Gesturing to the open door, he waited for her to speak his favorite melody once again.
[/div]

1390 WORDS , ADALIA , HOUSE ,
listening to I'M IN BY KEITH URBAN , ; D!

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table by california dreaming @ caution 2.0

[/center]

[adalia l. nott]

but then you assure me
I'M A LITTLE MORE THAN USELESS

where had she gone so wrong in her life? that wasn't to say that she regretted some of the bigger decisions in her life, but she had really come to regret a select few surrounding those. like leaving. at the time, it had seemed like such a good idea. in her mind, she figured that no one would notice. people didn't need her around here. her family had several other girls, what was it if one went mission and no one really ever heard from her again? her friend would move on, and it wasn't like she was leaving a boyfriend behind. at the time, there hadn't really been any thought to it. in a sense though, she had. she had left behind the only guy who was ever good to her, despite how much of a bitch she was. caden was the only one who was ever there for her through anything and the only one she felt truly comfortable with. he was at the foremost top of her list of things she regretted leaving, aside from dahlia and blake. dahlia, only because she knew better since it was her dearest friend and her friend had needed her. she had experienced so much heartache with people leaving her that addy should have known better. blake was only there because of what she had done by hiding their son from him. she couldn't take it back now, but she would spend the rest of her life now trying to make it up to him, to dahlia, to caden.

her time with blake had been a lot more trying on her than she had thought. telling him that he was a father was something she knew would be difficult. that was why she had run in the first place, because she couldn't handle telling him. imagine her grief and angst when she had to tell him four months after his son had already been born. as if it didn't rack her enough the months when she was gone, it only would not that he knew and was guilting her keeping lucas from him. but every word he said was right. it was her fault, she wasn't thinking about others in the situation, and she wasn't a good person from hiding it. she didn't even have an excuse for him when he had asked her why she had kept it from him because she honestly didn't have one which made it all the more worse. what kind of mother kept a father from his own son? everything about their situation they had done wrong though. if they hadn't done things wrong, there wouldn't have even been a child involved. that was something she would never give up or regret. despite the fact that she wasn't with blake even at all and lucas had been born a 'bastard', there wasn't anything she would change about it. her son, in her eyes, was perfect. there wasn't a single thing she would change about him, not even who his father was or how she felt about him. plenty of people had children when they weren't together. hell, plenty of people saw other people while having children with other people. blake and herself didn't need to be together, much to her pleasure. it wasn't that she didn't like blake, but he just wasn't for her. he wasn't the one. he wasn't... caden.

seeing him as he opened that door made it all rush back. perhaps, when she left, she had had a little inkling of what she was now feeling over a year later. he was never off her mind, but she always excused that to being the fact that he was her best friend. they spent unbelievable amounts of times together. well hell, they even had sleepovers. everyone thought she had something going on with him, teased her even, but adalia was always good at brushing it off. all of her pureblood friends couldn't corrupt the good thing that caden and her had once she had finally come out into the open about how deeply she cared for her best friend. but he was more and more so on her mind. she could even remember the last time that they had had a sleepover. it was about a week before she discovered that she was pregnant. she had stayed at his house, which is what she almost always did. he had a place of his own, while she still had a dormitory at the university. there wasn't really a need for her to have her own place at the time. they had laid around watching movies. the feeling could still burn a hole through her heart as she recalled the memories of laying on his couch watching old muggles movies together. only caden could get her to watch them back then. adalia could remember it perfectly, leaning on him with her head on his shoulder and his arm around her. it wasn't extremely romantic, only friendly. that's what she could keep telling herself in that moment as she felt her stomach doing a flip or two. she must have dozed off, as she always seemed to do, and he had carried her to his bed. always the gentleman, he let her sleep in his bed while he took the couch. she would be lying if in that night she had wished he had stayed with her and held her in the night. of course, when she woke the next morning, she tried to cast the thoughts and wishes away and only found them further fueled by him walking in shirtless. adalia had just brushed it off, making a little joke in a way that complimented him rather than mocked. that was the last good time she remembered with caden. after that, she hadn't seen him much before she left. this all was more than a year ago, and finally here she was again.

her brown eyes searched everything about him, taking him all in as he stood there. even a year later and he still looked just the same as the last day that she had laid eyes on him. surprise took over her face slightly as he took lucas and the carrier from her arm and set him just inside his house. at first she thought it was a ploy just to get her inside, but the minute that his arms were around her, she felt her legs turn to noodles. those arms, the one she wished to be around her every day and every night, were finally there. it took adalia a moment to realize that this wasn't all a dream and to hug him tightly, her hands gripping tightly to the back of his shirt. her face nestled into his chest, her ears picking up the pounding in his chest that seemed to match just how fast her heart was racing too. there was nothing in that moment except for lucas waking up and crying that could have tore her from him. almost all of her strength was wasted on not crying, not letting the tears fall over all the missed days of doing this that she could have had with caden. the missed days of whatever they could have possibly been if she hadn't run away from blake and her feelings for caden. "so, so much," she spoke into his chest, muffled for the most part. but she knew he heard her. he always heard her, even if she never said anything. "i'm so sorry i left. i'm so sorry i left you." and none of that was a lie. there wasn't a day that she didn't miss him, a day that she didn't think about him. it made her slightly guilty to think that it was him that she always thought about asking to come join her, especially around when lucas was about to be born. it should have been blake who she sent an owl to, telling him everything, inviting him to the birth of his son. instead, it had been caden in her thoughts. of course, in the end no one was invited and adalia had let herself remain alone like she needed to be.

there was glistening of tears in her eyes as they finally parted from their hug, despite her not wanting to let go whatsoever. adalia quickly looked down for a moment, pretending to look around caden to make sure that lucas was still there in his carrier. he was, of course. she blinked a few more times before putting on a smile as she looked up at caden, something she never had to force. he could make her smile in any situation. that was why she had come too. to catch up, to see his smile, to let him meet the most important person in her life. "i haven't heard a better idea all day," she said softly with a smile. as he asked if she wanted him to bring lucas inside, part of her bit down on her lower lip. would caden really be so accepting of lucas, just like that? she had done so much lying. but he wouldn't be caden if he didn't hold anything against anyone, especially children. linking her arm into his, she nodded with her lips turning back into a smile. "i'd love that. that hug took all the strength out of me, in a good way of course." once again, not any part a lie. adalia of course didn't divulge the reason as to why her legs were weak and her knees shaky. she wouldn't spill that he was the entire reason that her heart was racing faster. she glanced as he picked up the carrier, leading him into the home that she recognized so easily. it had been over a year since she had been here last, but things still looked the same. caden's house was something that she always envied and loved spending time at. while her new cottage was her home and small, caden had a way of making his house feel like it was homely even if it was quite a lot bigger. she couldn't imagine him living here by himself and quickly pushed away her daydreams of sharing this place with caden, living with him, herself and lucas. as if they were a family. caden didn't have a family really, aside from his aunt and uncle. and adalia wouldn't lie and say that in the past couple months, she hadn't thought and wished for a chance for her and lucas to become his new family.

tagged: caden stretton - - word count: 1760 - - lyric credit: relient k - - graphic/template credit: myself - - notes: I RAMBLED A LOT. i sorry.

[caden n. stretton]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,10,true][atrb=style,background-image: url('http://i53.tinypic.com/wb98wn.jpg');,true] MAKE ME MELT ! personlities. they had always been something in life that intrigued caden, just like the brain; the source of where one's personality was primarily controlled. a countless amount of people lives among him from nation to nation, world to world. it was mind-boggling to think no two people were alike. how could that many people possibly be unique? even followers had their own personalities- following being one of them- but deep down, something was different from whom they aspired to be like. some had it in them to change, some didn't. although he had loved adalia just as she was before she had mysteriously disappeared, seeing her now he knew that there was something that was different. and not in the way of people maturing or growing from experiences. actually changing personality-wise too. caden was curious to see how exactly she had changed, and what was in store for him to learn about her. quite some time had passed by. to him, it felt like more than a lifetime. when the dark-haired girl had disappeared without warning from his life, caden wasn't sure what to do with himself. he had to admit, though not once out loud as of yet, that he had done some things that he wasn't proud of. well, actually, the same thing. but twice. before she had left, caden was a virgin. he had planned to keep it this way, wanting to lose it to her because in his fantasy world, they got married and had children. when she hadn't even bothered to tell him where she was going, or even that she was going, he had broke. the fact that memories of being left unruffled didn't help that matter either. drinking habits came back to him for a few nights. two to be exact- those to being the two nights he did what he knew he shouldn't have. what he hated on other guys for doing on a regular basis- sleeping with a girl they didn't love. that's right, caden noah stretton slept with a girl, and then another a few days later, that he wasn't in a relationship with. to this day, he felt awful. there was nothing that he could say that would make up for how sorry he was to them, despite the fact that they were fully willing before and after. the first girl had been aria flint, a fellow ravenclaw of his. she took his virtue and well, she seemed proud of it too. to be honest, he hadn't drank much. the sadness that filled his insides were enough to make him not think like his normal self- that's how he ended up in a place to even meet a girl as sexy and willing as she had been. a few shots and he had been set. not drunk at all, and yet a different person when it came to his mind set. the second girl had been a gryffindor named elana platt. the two of them were friends, best friends even, and he cared about her deeply. back before he had met adalia, he had a crush on her. although, like he was doing with adalia, his balls never grew enough to have him step up and admit it. "one of these days" he'd told himself back then. typically, it was the same saying he told himself before adalia had left. now that she was back, could be bare not admitting how he felt? or how much she had hurt him by leaving? not telling him where she was or why she had left until now, by showing up with the reason? caden could hold grudges, but not very well. the only people he could for sure keep one against was his parents. when it came to a beautiful, breath-taking girl like adalia there wasnt a chance in hell. caden hadn't spoken to elena in awhile. he knew that he should, as he owed her that much. he wanted to make sure that he hadn't done anything wrong, or given her the wrong impressions or anything. them being so close, she did know about his feelings for the slytherin once upon a time. making a note to go see her within the next few days, he wouldn't put it off any longer. it was needed, and therefore it would happen. no matter how long ago they had slept together. looking at the girl in front of him, he swallowed. how would he tell adalia that he wasn't a virgin anymore? that he had given it away to somebody that he didn't love. somebody that wasn't her! the thought was harder to think about now that she was sitting right in front of him. but wait a minute. they weren't dating. why would he have to tell her? she hadn't asked, and it wasn't like he had made a promise or prior commitment to her. or else it never would have happened in the first place. okay. so that was it. he simply wouldn't tell her. "i had sex."

[/color] he blurted out once they had sat down in his house, eyes widening once he clued into what he had just said. i'm an idiot he thought, mentally face-palming himself. how could he slip something like that? how? she must think of him as a moron. he could see it now.

exchanges were made, happiness was being brought back from the shock of her being back and seeing each other for the first time since her return and he ruined it. out of nowhere as soon as they sat down. not even a simple 'how are you?' had been let out! urg. "would you like tea? i'm sure you would. i'll go get it." caden mumbled quickly, trying to think of some sort of excuse to get out of the living room and into a different room so he could beat himself up without causing suspicion to rise. entering the kitchen, he clanked around the dishes, getting out two cups, a spoon and tea bags. allowing water to heat the muggle way, he moved towards the part of his counter where the cupboards were located, leaned towards and banged his head against it hard. yet not hard enough so that she would be able to hear it from the next room if she had been listening in. keeping his head placement against the cupboard so he didn't repeat the action, caden started to talk to himself. "oh hey adalia! welcome back to town. i missed you so much. i slept with two girls that weren't you, but oh don't worry, i wished it was you. i'm just like every other guy i've tried to keep you away from without you catching on."[/color] switching to a higher pitched voice, the boy continued. "i hate you, caden! i thought you were different. how could you do that to those girls? i don't know why i missed you. hmph" bitterly laughing to himself, he closed his eyes and sighed. "why would you, right? i'm just mad for you and all i can ever be is your friend. because that's all i'm good for. is a friend." questioning even that now, he noticed that the water was steaming. moving towards it, keeping his back towards the door where he had entered room, caden let another sigh escape, noting that his sanity was going down the drain more and more each and every passing day. pouring the tea into two different cups, he stirred it around and put the cups on two plates. holding one small plate in one hand, and the other in his opposing, he finally turned to return to where he had ran from adalia. hopefully she wouldn't notice his sanity level wobbling too.
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1290 WORDS , ADALIA , HOUSE ,
listening to nada , hope you love it haha!

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table by california dreaming @ caution 2.0

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[adalia l. nott]

but then you assure me
I'M A LITTLE MORE THAN USELESS

it was hard to think about yourself when you had another human being to take care of. now, she couldn't just do whatever she wanted. her mind had to think of the repercussions of all of her actions. of course she hadn't realized that the moment she decided to pick up and love to continental europe just to escape from the mistake she made. if she had the mentality as she did now, she would have stayed. it would have been difficult, but her actions would have been less severe than they were now. she had her family to explain to, blake to explain to, and her friends. it was easier to explain a pregnancy than to explain a four month child. but there was changing what she had. now, all adalia had was to clean up the mess she had made.

her family had been the first. when she showed up, bruised and battered with blood all over herself and her son, her mother has been in an uproar. adalia supposed her state took away from the fact that she was showing up a year later after no communication to her family with a baby, but certainly didn't make it disappear. her mother fretted, insisted a healer be called even though that was her first action, and tended to getting her daughter cleaned up. her brothers and sisters that happened to be home had mixed emotions, along with ones that later showed up at their mother's beckon. her father was another story however. all she has gotten at first was a cold shoulder. he had hid himself away, been sure to have business elsewhere. it was only recently that he showed up to finally talk to her. disappointment was layered in his voice, but she was his daughter. adalia may not have been the daughter he had when she left, but he would always love her the same even when she would not divulge who was lucas' father.

so her family had been taken care of. as of a few days ago, so had blake sykes. telling him that he was a father was almost as hard as actually giving birth, but she had survived. what she didn't know if she would survive was trying to get her best friend back. she knew it wouldn't be easy. caden was a sensitive guy with a big heart. his background wasn't the best. there were many deep issues that he had that had taken him a long time to open up to her about. she knew upon leaving that there would be serious troubles with caden in the long run, but she never had the intention of coming home. he was better off without a friend like her. now that she was back though, there wasn't a way she could stay away. all she could do was go to him and apologize and grovel. what she needed was caden. what she wanted was caden.

the thing she really didn't want to hear as soon as they sat down was him blurting out that he had sex. all she could do was blink with a vacant expression. caden had sex?! her caden? the boy who wouldn't even cuddle with her and would be a gentleman and sleep on the couch had sex with a girl? adalia really couldn't pin if she was more shocked, upset, or jealous. but where did she have any room to be jealous? she barely nodded her head when he spoke about tea, undoubtedly to get out of the room. she didn't have to look at him to know his cheeks were red and he would go into the kitchen kicking himself. it wasn't like caden to just blurt out things, let alone things like that. adalia sat there for a moment to take it all in, finally finding herself on the verge of feeling like she was going to vomit with all of the discomfort in her body upon knowing that knowledge. that's it. she had missed her chance with him. if she didn't have a reason to decide that leaving was the worst decision she ever made, she sure as hell did now.

with a glance down at her sleeping son, adalia got up after a moment to finally help caden instead of acting like he had just made everything awkward. how could he know that he did that though? when she had left, there has barely been feelings. granted they had been there, but her denial overruled them. he was her very best friend. once she left though, adalia had known what she really left. what she really wanted. and there he was, standing in his kitchen. only it took her a moment to realize that he was talking to himself. the words coming out of froze her from announcing her presence as she stood in the doorway, half hiding now to the side of the door frame. all she could feel was a numbing feeling coursing through her body. she stood there, frozen and unable to move. did he just say how he wished each of them had been her? that he wanted her? no. she was hearing things.

the only thing that brought her back into reality was the tiny gurgle from behind her, turning to see her son adjusting as he slept. adalia quickly stepped away from the doorway and walked back to the couch. standing there as she looked down at lucas, it took her a moment to realize that there was a tear running down her face. crying?! why was she crying? she quickly wiped it away and took a deep breath. now she knew that she has feelings for caden, but he had gone and slept with two different girls. she had a son by someone else.

adalia turned around as she heard caden's footsteps. "i love you," she blurted out suddenly, watching him standing there with the tea in both hands. her eyes grew big for a moment. "i mean, caden, you're my best friend. and i left you. i did the one thing you never wanted someone this close to you to do. i never gave you a reason. he," adalia said as she pointed at lucas, "he was the reason why. i didn't want you to see me. i was a whore who got pregnant. and i didn't want anyone, least of all you, to see me like that. not when all i wanted was these feelings i had for you to... turn into something. i don't know. then i was pregnant, so i ran. because you deserve someone better." there were all of these words just spilling out of her mouth. it was like blake all over again. words seemed to not know how to stop coming from her mouth. "i... don't hate you. and i missed you every day. you're all i thought of. and you were the only one who i wanted to be with me, to hold my hand, when he was coming." she wrapped her arms around herself, staring down at her feet. this wasn't what she thought would happen today. what she imagined was a day to catch up with her best friend. what she didn't imagine was the two of them spilling secrets and hidden feelings and skipping the pleasantries.

tagged: caden stretton - - word count: 1222 - - lyric credit: relient k - - graphic/template credit: myself - - notes: idk. this just came out. lol.