* and i know you've been burnt;;

[leila c. marsh]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 400px; background-image: url(http://i583.photobucket.com/albums/ss279/legendskseeker/oceanbreezebg.png); padding-bottom: 20px;] words // 907 // outfit // here // tagged // open if i could erase the pain, A N D M A Y B E Y O U ' D F E E L T H E S A M E it was earlier than leila normally got up. she was woken up by nightmares and dreams of the past, and she didn't want to shut her eyes once more and immerse herself back into sleep. so instead, she had voted to go out for a morning run. she didn't care that the sun was coming up, and that the rest of the school was probably still tucked deeply in their warm and cozy beds. her bed wasn't warm or inviting to her at that moment, so she threw herself out of bed and into the nearest stretching clothing she would be able to run in. throwing on clothing in the dusty morning light, she grabbed a pair of sneakers and hair tie, walking out of the dorm and towards the school field. when she arrived at the field, she briskly stretched out her tightened muscles. any runner could tell you not stretching before a run had severe problems the day after, especially in the morning air that felt cool to her skin. but she didn't care. her legs were bare, but they welcomed the cool breeze as it passed by her. she gazed around. there was no one around. no one to watch her run. no one to interrupt her thoughts and ask her why she was out here so early. there was just her, and sometimes that was the scariest place leila found herself. alone with her thoughts. shaking her head, along with the rest of her body, allowing a breath of air to escape her lips, she pulled her long hair back into a tight pony tail. sometimes she hated how long her hair way. it got in the way so much when she was running, or trying to play sports. but leila couldn't imagine not having her long locks either. they were a part of her, and something that so many people complimented her on. how could she just chop it all off? with one more long stretch to the sky, leila took off around the track. her legs fell into the old pattern of running and she smiled as her body sunk into the beat with the ground beneath him. normally, she didn't like to run on the track because there were so many other people around. but there was no one here today, and though she normally liked the adventure of not really knowing where she was going to end up, she did have class in the morning. and running around in circles did seem to have it's appeal this morning. perhaps it was because subconsciously she realized that she was running around in circles in her head, and at least on the track she felt she could outrun what she couldn't in her mind and dreams. she didn't want to think about her dreams. her dreams hurt. hurt deeper inside of her than she even realized existed. how could something tear someone up so much without them giving permission? as she pushed her legs faster, she tried to push her thoughts out of her head. how could life be so cruel to her? to give her the biggest joy she had ever felt, and then to rip it away from her. hadn't life known she wouldn't be okay with it? and that she wouldn't be okay after? her eyes started to water and she shook her head fiercely as she pushed her body even harder. it was the one thing she could do. her body knew no limits. it was how she could release all the feelings she wanted to scream at the top of her lungs to the world. she wished more than ever right now she had grabbed her i-pod to help drown away the dreams of last night. instead, the images of zack flashed through her mind. him laughing, their soccer games. she pushed harder. her legs twinged with pain, but she ignored it. no, she flourished in it. their movie nights and popcorn fights. harder. she didn't want to remember. she didn't want to allow it to be true. her breathing was getting harder without her realizing it. the hospital visits. the last six months. harder. faster. push. the night they spent together. his last wish before he died. she didn't want to touch her face or admit the clenching of her jaw, as she saw her vision getting blurred. no, she wouldn't. just push harder, she thought, and her legs were on fire. sitting at the hospital. holding his hand. his smile. his last breath. her breathing quickened, as her legs seemed to be moving too fast for her to keep up. she tumbled, falling over her feet and onto the track. her hands came out instinctively to catch her fall. it had caught up with her. she had landed on the ground and she allowed herself for the first time in a long time to cry. she wanted more than ever to not. to have outrun the pain this time, but it had caught up on her. wiping her hands off on her shorts, she sniffled and brought her hands to face to wipe away the continuation of tears. and she just sat there. there was no one around to hear her, to see her. so this time, the past had won and reluctantly she would give into it, and into the pain. she would allow herself to cry. because what else could she do? notes // poor leila. who will discover the mess of her?

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TEMPLATE BY KHRISTIAN OF CAUTION 2.0, LYRICS BY ELLIE GOULDING[/center]

[bentley r. aesalon]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://i56.tinypic.com/2zgu9hc.jpg); width: 440px; padding-top:10px;] i like to think i'm a better man FOR NOT LETTING HER DO WHAT SHE'S BEEN KNOWN TO DO it was only natural for bentley to be out this early. he had become an early bird ever since he wasn't haunted with hangovers. his runs had always been later in the evening when everyone was inside but now he found himself loving the morning. the air was fresh and he could be lost in his own thoughts without the stress of the day. it was perfect for bentley. he awoke his body thumping onto the ground but not awakening his room mates. he stretched pulling on a grey t-shirt onto his sculpted upper body and a pair of black shorts. he ran a hand through his bed head hair before sitting back onto the bed and tying his shoe laces. he gave a tight pull before heading down the stairs. he made sure to be quiet so no one would hear him. he wasn't blinded by the sun like he had been expected to and the sun was just rising as he walked out of the school. bentley never had a clear path to where he was going. he sorta got lost in his runs. his mind and body would both be moving but they weren't connected to one another. it was weird but running, bentley always got lost in his own thoughts. it was a nice way to let out any emotions that he was feeling. bentley was known to be a cool guy who never let his emotions get the best of him. he found running was a way to vent out all those demons inside of himself. whether that be the sweat or some other spiritual way, bentley didn't know. bentley had been into quidditch at hogwarts but he had a hard time now relating with the boys on the quidditch team. he had been struggling with the decision to whether try out for the quiddtich team or not. bentley was so used to being alone while running. he had never been able to find someone to go with him. none of the students wanted to wake up this early for him. his feet had a constant beat onto the grass that he was running on. bentley stopped for a moment putting his hands on his hips and staring up at the sky. his train of thoughts had ended and it had stopped the motion of his legs. he ran his hand through the sweat on his forehead and taking a deep breath, bentley launched himself off again. the next time he realized where his running had taken him was onto the school's track. bentley hardly decided to come to the field. it was always crowded with students and bentley had liked to be in solitude. he found that it was empty though. he should've expected this though, everyone was still snug in their beds. it wasn't like bentley didn't like to sleep but he always found himself awake. there was time when bentley had been going through insomnia where he dedicated all that time to his art. now that bentley was free to pursue what he wanted to do, art was something that bentley did during the day and running was in the morning. bentley stopped again a girl in his sight. her blonde ponytail was all that he could make out. there were way too many blondes at the university though. he couldn't be sure who this was one. he slowed down his running to a slow walking pace. bentley didn't know why the girl was stopped but either way maybe she could be his running buddy. even though running was pretty independent, bentley was alone in the mornings till everyone came down for breakfast. bentley started to walk closer and closer to the girl trying not to seem like a creep in the morning. as bentley came closer and closer to the girl, he heard some sniffles. once he heard that, his steps became smaller and smaller. when he finally came up to see who the girl was, he recognized the girl as leila. a freshmen girl who he had seen at a few parties. for all he knew, she was a party animal who didn't know how to control herself. bentley couldn't judge her just on that though. she didn't look okay at the moment and bentley couldn't just leave her there. "are you going to be okay?" bentley bent down to look her in the face. "what happened?" he looked at her with concern eyes over what could be wrong. it was early morning. nothing could have happened already. it was too early for anything bad to happen. she didn't look like she had been hurt physically. bentley knew that he was getting into her business but there was no one else around. all he could do was be there for her until someone she actually wanted to talk to came around. he always did have a soft side for a girl crying. bentley had grown up a mommy's boy and it was only recently that he had shown how much respect that he had for girls. it was a little awkward for him to be standing there but it wasn't as if he was going to run past a crying girl. what kind of person would he be? an awful really. it wouldn't be the first time that bentley had been a savior for her. he hoped that she would have gotten the idea by now that bentley was a good guy who would be there for anyone in a time of need. whether that be from another person or themselves. tag: leila lyric credit: arttm notes: yeah i hope you don't mind this?

[leila c. marsh]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 400px; background-image: url(http://i583.photobucket.com/albums/ss279/legendskseeker/oceanbreezebg.png); padding-bottom: 20px;] words // 948 // outfit // here // tagged // bentley if i could erase the pain, A N D M A Y B E Y O U ' D F E E L T H E S A M E leila’s eyes burned, and she hated herself more and more for every tear that slipped down her face. this was stupid. she needed to get up. she needed to run. running made things better. didn’t it? this morning had proven to be an example of the way in which running seemed to work against someone. leila was trying too hard to outrun her past, but sometimes it just had a way of sprinting up towards you and taking you out. she brought her hands to her face and wiped away another wave of tears as they rolled down her face. the pain in her chest hurt so much. her heart felt like it was ready to pound out of her chest. maybe then she wouldn’t hurt so much. maybe then all of the pain would go away. she shook her head, and grabbed her knees into her body, shaking as she went. she didn’t care about the time. she didn’t care about anything at that moment. all she felt was pain. pain and grief and didn’t want to acknowledge either. she slipped into her memories, trying too hard to pull herself back to reality and the present. and somehow in between those moments, she hadn’t heard the footsteps creep up behind her. "are you going to be okay?" a voice spoke from behind her, and leila jumped, her body coming off the ground for a moment and her heart skipping a beat. she grabbed her chest and held her heart, somehow thinking that was going to make everything better and make her heart from stop racing. taking a moment to herself before recognizing the voice, she looked up to see a boy. bentley was his name. she had seen him before at parties and was pretty sure he had stuck up for her once or twice. he seemed to have taken on a bit of protective role around her, and leila couldn’t help but hate that he was now seeing her in the state that she was in. but she wouldn’t have wanted anyone else to have seen her either. as bentley leaned down, she wiped her face away from tears, trying to get a hold of herself. leila hated when she cried. she hated when she felt the pain. she just hated feeling. so she nodded her head and tried to put on the best smile she could. it didn’t necessarily feel right, but it was the best she could do, and most people would think it was convincing. or else they would just nod their heads along with her and allow her to continue on with what she was doing and not probe her about it. "yup, fine. just going for my morning run and tripped and fell." sweet and simple. done and done. bentley would say alright, and the two of them would continue on with their days like nothing had happened. a part of her wished that was true and that was all that life would ever be. one big game of cat and mouse; trying to outrun her problems and when it caught up to her, escaping until it would try and capture her again. but another part of her hated that. hated that she wanted to live like this. hated that she did live like this. she tried so hard to live in the now and the present, but how could she when she hadn’t made amends with her past. how could she let go though? how did people expect her to just be able to cry a few tears, allow a couple years to go by and everything to be alright? did people not have a heart? or did people not have hearts as big as hers, or did their hearts not hurt as much as hers did. leila decided she should stand. she should stand up and try and get out of this situation at whatever cost. she wasn’t entirely sure what bentley had thought about her, and she wasn’t entirely sure if he believed what she had said. she knew she wouldn’t. if she found someone in the middle of the ground crying to themselves, leila would be the first person to sit there and ask them what was wrong and cradle them back to their feet. but bentley was a slytherin. though he wasn’t exactly the type of guy that was the stereotype, she didn’t know him too well, and she also didn’t know how well he knew her, or how well he could see through people. perhaps he could see right through her. perhaps he knew about zack and about her past. perhaps he didn’t. perhaps he couldn’t care less how she felt or why she was crying. but he had asked her. he had found her, and instead of leaving her and ignoring her, like she knew some people would have done, he came to her, softly and surely and got down to her level and asked her if she was alright. and that had to say something didn’t it? but leila didn’t want to acknowledge that. what if there was someone here who wanted to know, wanted to hear about how hurt she was inside, and how scared and afraid she was? what if bentley did think perhaps there was something more wrong with leila than she went on about? how did that factor into all of this equation. and how was leila supposed to feel when a part, and that part was very small, potentially wanted to tell someone she wasn’t alright. in fact, she was the farthest away from alright she had ever been. but was she ready to admit that? notes // sorry this took so long! but its my first response after summer school! lol

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TEMPLATE BY KHRISTIAN OF CAUTION 2.0, LYRICS BY ELLIE GOULDING[/center]

[bentley r. aesalon]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://i56.tinypic.com/2zgu9hc.jpg); width: 440px; padding-top:10px;] i like to think i'm a better man FOR NOT LETTING HER DO WHAT SHE'S BEEN KNOWN TO DO since hogwarts, bentley had grown up so much. he had been a jerk at hogwarts. he was one of those guys that he now protected girls over. bentley had been one of those creeper of guys that wanted to bring a girl to bed no matter what. bentley had now calmed down. he was twenty but that didn't mean that he needed to force a girl to do anything for him. he wanted a girl in bed because she wanted to be there. she didn't want a girl who wouldn't take him seriously. a girl who used her body for any boy. that was no way for a girl to act. he felt even worse for the freshmen that had come to university and were creeped on. luckily bentley had learned before freshmen that it wasn't the way to get girls. instead during freshmen year he had been able to snag a few dates with good girls. since then, bentley hadn't had very serious relationships. it just wasn't the right time for him. he had gotten action since but from girls who he had actually wanted a relationship with. there were things that had gotten in the way though. she realized she was in love with someone else, they didn't have the right chemistry or she was too caught up in school work for a relationship. issues like that. bentley understood. it wasn't like he didn't want a steady relationship but he didn't want to waste his time on a girl who wasn't going to do that for him. but anyway, leila was one of those freshmen that bentley had protected a couple times at parties that they were both at. he didn't know what it was about her but she always brought some kind of trouble whenever she was around. for a hufflepuff that was very weird. she was attractive and not making the right decisions. what a bad combination. she was young though and bentley wasn't going to stop her fun. his blue eyes stiffened hearing lelia's explanation. that didn't make sense at all. one of his eyebrows arched from over his blue eyes. "is that really the reason?" how could he believe her. she was an eighteen year old girl. no eighteen year old girl actually cried over falling. maybe if she had been intoxicated but more likely that girl would be laughing her head off. he rested his arm on his knee still bent down. the smile on his face relaxed and the dimples on his cheeks softened. he could tell that leila was hiding things from him. he didn't know what or even if she was going to tell him but she was lying to him. bentley was irritated by this. while he was a cunning slytherin, bentley didn't appreciate being lied to. he was a straight up boy. what you see was what you got from this boy. he told the truth. bentley could never force anyone to actually tell him the truth though. he had gotten very good at smelling bullshit when it came up though. he was good at calling a bluff. sometimes he did wonder why he didn't go into university as a law major. he would make a very good lawyer. he wasn't going to fight leila to tell her the truth though. it wasn't as if the issue needed to involve him. he would keep his mouth shut unless she were to tell him. bentley actually did care inside though. when he asked someone what was wrong, it wasn't because he felt like he needed to ask. it was because he wanted to know. that was what bothered bentley in the world now. people nowadays only asked people what was wrong because they felt like they needed to and even when that person would tell them what was wrong, it usually wasn't the truth. what a waste of air actually. it was all fake now to bentley. why couldn't anyone be real with anyone anymore? "i don't know you very well leila but i know you can take more than a fall." he remembered very clear on nights when he had to rescue leila. she was a mess for him to work with. he could hardly get her to walk out of the party right. just before he was there to help support her, he would see her so uncoordinated that he was surprised that her face was always in one piece. he didn't mind though. leila was beautiful. bentley would never admit that. she was definitely more of her brother's type. a party girl. while bentley did love wild girls, he wanted a girl who was aware of what happened the night before. leila was a little too crazy for him. he couldn't believe that he would actually think this way. at hogwarts, he would go for the craziest chicks. at university, he was way more picky of what chicks he was letting into his life. tag: leila lyric credit: arttm notes: haha it's all good!

[leila c. marsh]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 400px; background-image: url(http://i583.photobucket.com/albums/ss279/legendskseeker/oceanbreezebg.png); padding-bottom: 20px;] words // 836 // outfit // here // tagged // bentley if i could erase the pain, A N D M A Y B E Y O U ' D F E E L T H E S A M E it was strange to leila. strange to see this slytherin's face so close to her own, his eyes so filled with concern that leila barely knew where to begin. she knew that she was lying, and from the look on his face, so did he. he knew that there was a lot more to the story and a part of her screamed at herself to tell him the truth. someone needed to hear it. someone needed to be there for leila when times were hard. but she had hated having people to rely on, and she had hated that when she thought she could trust people they simply left her, or abandoned her. no one thought this was going to take two years and more for her to get over. no one thought this was going to be a long haul of a grieving. no one stayed that long. and so leila tried even harder to shut things off. even harder to run away from those feelings of abandonment. zack would have never left. 'no, he just got taken away' her mind taunted her. it was too much. too much for her to handle anymore, but she was scared. scared to trust the slytherin, scared to open up a facet she felt might never close. leila looked at the slytherin carefully. bentley was attractive, but more than that he had proven himself to her, hadn't he? when she had been to parties and random guys had approached her he had stepped in. not that she would have minded, because that was just another way in which she tried so hard to forget about zack. but he had protected her. and he had brought her home to her bed where she was safe. he had seen her tripping and falling over her own feet, so she wasn't surprised that he commented on the fact that it took a lot more than a little stumble for the waterworks to come out. 'it took a lot more', leila wanted to add. bently had seen her at some of her worst possible moments drunk, and now was asking for her honesty and clarity in a moment of genuine concern. she owed him that much, she knew it. but how she was able to open up to him would be a much different story. eyeing him carefully, her face written with pain and longing to finally tell someone the truth, she made her first confession to bentley, and it wasn't one that came easy. "i'm afraid that if i open myself up and tell you what's bothering me, that i'm never going to be able to shut myself off again." tears had formed in her tear ducts again but she didn't mind. not this time. "i'm afraid to hear the truth touch my ears time after time to know i'm not dreaming. i hate remembering, that's why i do all the stupid things i do. it just hurts so much." leila could feel the pain in her chest beginning to squeeze. it was as if zack had a hold of her heart and he squeezed on it every time she thought about him. he had a hold over leila, one she doubted, he expected to have, especially this long after. leila wiped the tears from her face. she couldn't believe the words that were coming out of her mouth, the confessions she was making to this other student. but she couldn't think about that. she needed to trust, needed to reassure herself this wasn't going to turn around and backfire. for the longest time, she's wanted and needed someone to tell. and was it fair to him? she knew she couldn't think of that now. the words were spewing out of her lips now, and she couldn't stop them. she would tell him the truth, she would tell him about zack. "i know you don't know me very well, and the leila you know is the party girl who's hopping into bed with random strangers. but that's not me. that's not the real me. that's the me who's running away from her memories and trying to forget the past. just like i run here. sure, i've always ran, but running helps me forget. it pushes my body to the limit to where i can't think of anything but numbness. i've become numb physically and emotionally because i'm trying to run away. run away from the fact that my best friend in the entire world died two years ago, and he's never coming back." there. she had said it. she had said it all and she didn't know if it made sense or if it was coherent, but she had said it. finally. a rush of chills shot down her spine as more tears escaped through her eyes. her heart squeezed tightly and she pulled her knees to her chest, holding them to hold herself together. it was alright though, she needed to remind herself, alright to finally let go and breath. notes // i couldn't help it, i had major muse XD

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TEMPLATE BY KHRISTIAN OF CAUTION 2.0, LYRICS BY ELLIE GOULDING[/center]

[bentley r. aesalon]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://i56.tinypic.com/2zgu9hc.jpg); width: 440px; padding-top:10px;] i like to think i'm a better man FOR NOT LETTING HER DO WHAT SHE'S BEEN KNOWN TO DO while bentley wanted to joke about the things that she had said to him while she was drunk, he held his tongue back. he could see the sadness in her eyes longing for someone to listen. bentley didn't say anything and only listened. he kept his eyes on her seeing tears in her eyes. he never liked seeing tears but he had a feeling like they had been bottled up inside of her that they had to come out. he kept listening and understood. while his life had been very blessed, he understood that everyone felt pain. how something could sting your chest and haunt your mind so much. the truth did hurt and while he did prefer it, it could hurt. it was the best thing but sometimes it wasn't easy to take in. he could tell that something was haunting leila. he didn't know what but something was on her mind. something had been hovering around her for a long time and she hadn't been able to tell anyone. he could feel her opening up to him. a surprise but it left a relieving feeling in his stomach that she was actually going to be able to open to someone. bentley had stayed completely still. the only motion came from his head making small nods as she spoke. he could tell that at the moment, leila didn't need someone to talk, she just needed someone to listen. that was a lot for someone to just confess. bentley ran his hand through his hair trying to figure out something to say. nothing he could say was actually going to bring her best friend back but he could be there for support. "i'm glad you told someone. that's a lot to have been through." bentley realized how young leila actually was. she was just a freshmen which meant at that time she was still at hogwarts. he didn't remember who she was at hogwarts or how her partying had started. he had always thought of her as a girl who liked to have fun. bentley would have never thought that there was something behind that. so many freshmen girls now only wanted to have fun. maybe it was a little sudden to do but she looked so weak from what she had just said that bentley threw his arms around her. leila looked like she really needed someone right now. there still weren't any students that had emerged forward from their beds. he was the only one and he wasn't going to leave her. bentley had to stay to make sure that she would be okay. bentley slowly withdrew his arms from around her. he put his hand underneath her chin lifting it so his eyes met her's. "you're still here. it shows how strong you are and how far you've come." his voice was soft and almost in a whisper. bentley had been lucky that he hadn't had anything bad in his life but he felt like if anything ever did happen that he wouldn't know what to do. he had never felt such a gut-wrenching pain. he couldn't even imagine how it would feel. unless he were put in the situation, there was no way that he could judge or understand how it felt. his eyes fell to the ground. how bentley wished that he could relate more. he was trying his best though. there was no way that he was the best guy to talk to about anything but he felt like he was trying. "who are you leila marsh?" he knew what it was like to be someone else. he had done it for so long at hogwarts. it was only at university that he had actually found who he was supposed to be. "stop running." bentley lightly grinned. "i know that sounds impossible and stupid coming from a guy like me but you're never going to run fast enough. the past is always going to catch up to you. it doesn't have to scare you though. you're not alone." his eyes had looked back up to where she was hoping that his words were making some kind of sense. he was probably rambling mumbo jumbo. he was never good with his words. that's why he was an art guy but he didn't like to see leila this hurt. he had grown a soft spot for her. for all those times that he was annoyed with how pathetic she looked at parties, he had become kinda like a superman for her. he was always going to be there for her time of need. bentley would have never guessed that the person he would have a soft spot for would be a freshmen hufflepuff. tag: leila lyric credit: arttm notes: i hope mine is okay?

[leila c. marsh]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 400px; background-image: url(http://i583.photobucket.com/albums/ss279/legendskseeker/oceanbreezebg.png); padding-bottom: 20px;] words // 962 // outfit // here // tagged // bentley if i could erase the pain, A N D M A Y B E Y O U ' D F E E L T H E S A M E leila felt. she felt more than she had in a long time and as she confessed her words to bentley it felt as if a small piece of weight had been lifted from her shoulders. if she had known what a near stranger could do and how he could make her feel then she wondered if she could have been able to grieve and be farther along in this process than she was. his words were soft and gentle and leila felt like they were exactly the words she needed to hear. she wanted reassurance. she wanted to know that she wasn't crazy for still holding onto these feelings that so many others had long since discarded. she wanted the reassurance that she was strong possibly and that with a little help, she could get through this. though bentley was one of the people she least expected to help her, she was grateful to him and knew that this was going to be a huge step in the right direction towards getting herself back on her feet. and when bentley threw his arms around leila, she could feel her weight shifting to his body. she held him and hugged him like she hadn't hugged someone in so long. he felt like a life vest that she needed to hold onto for dear life or she would suddenly fall back down into the watery abyss. but what surprised leila is that he was holding her back just as tightly. she started to cry again just realizing this and realizing the action of him holding her and how badly that she had waited for someone to hold her and allow her to just be. he was sitting here with her, in the middle of the track at school too early in the morning for any other students to be up from bed. but he was here, and holding her with all his might. somehow his strength was transferring over to her and she felt herself gaining strength from him. when he let go she thought for a second all the strength she thought she was assuming would wash away. and as much as leila didn't want to admit it, some of it did. but some of it stuck to her. the strength was beginning to seep into her skin, or perhaps it was emitting off of it. either way, leila tried desperately to hold onto an inch of the strength bentley had shown her so she could use it again. when he lifted her chin to speak to her, she met his eyes with a wavering look but held onto his gaze. as he spoke the words to her, his voice, each word he spoke echoed through her head, allowing the words to sink and allow her to honestly think about what he was saying. when he asked her who she was, she sucked in her lips, aware she didn't know the answer to it. she had been silent through so much of what he had said and now looked at him in awe, wondering how he had taken such a grasp of understanding at what leila truly needed to look into. her voice cracked as she answered him weakly, "i don't know. i honestly don't know who leila marsh is. all i know is that i don't like her, and that i want to find out again. but that i can't do it alone." there was so much truth in those few sentences that leila hadn't even admitted to herself. she didn't know who she was anymore. and truthfully she didn't like it as much as she tried to convince herself she did. and she did, more than anything want to find the old leila again. the one who laughed genuinely, took pride in herself and didn't disrespect herself, and one who took care of herself: body, mind and soul. she wasn't doing any of those anymore. but she knew she couldn't do it completely by herself either. she wasn't that strong. at least, not right now. it was all baby steps to getting back into the swing of things and leila needed people there to help her along. this wasn't going to be easy. this was going to be a long, painful journey and she just hoped she was up for the challenge. she had been running for so long, literally and figuratively that she wondered if she even knew how to stop. she knew that she had to, but how was she supposed to stop running when it was all she had known for the past two years. how did she just stop? "the past two years all i've been doing is running and trying to escape and you're absolutely right, i never have been able to run away completely. the past is always there, creeping up on me no matter how far i try and push it away. in my thoughts, my memories. my dreams." she looked at bentley and for the first time in a long time she really felt as if someone could look at her and see her. there was no pretense, no drunken state, no light hearted leila for someone to glaze over. this was leila, stripped down and raw, wearing every internal emotions to be looked at and judged. but she didn't feel judged. she felt strength and honesty, and when she looked up to bentley again she felt herself staring at a man who had just awoken a part of her she had tried so hard to push away. and he had done in a way in which she wanted to break open even farther, but she wanted to do so with his guidance and with his help. "how do i stop running?" notes // awe, i'm going to love their relationship !

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TEMPLATE BY KHRISTIAN OF CAUTION 2.0, LYRICS BY ELLIE GOULDING[/center]