* this is where i run out of words

[adalia l. nott]

this is what i've got going on
THIS IS WHERE I BELONG TONIGHT

being back in town for almost two weeks, adalia nott knew that there was something on her list that had to be done. there was no going around it. she had told herself that if she ever came back to england that she would tell him. she would tell blake sykes that he was lucas' father. that much he deserved to know, but that was never something that she just wanted to break to him over an owl. while she used to be quite a bitch before, there was no way she could so heartlessly tell him the truth like that. what she needed to say had to be in person. besides, he needed to see his son. she owed him that much, if not more. what she should have done was tell him right when she found out, but instead she just ran off. it wasn't like her and blake were ever even close, so she highly doubted that he even noticed that she up and disappeared nearly a month after their drunken one night stand. but still. the way that she had decided that this was how to "handle" things was not a very pleasant way at all. all it had done was hurt people before and ended up carrying over to hurt more people, including her son.

now though, she was back in england for good. any plans to leave were far from her mind. her family was here, as well as all of her friends. and once she told blake, if he wanted to be in lucas' life, then she would allow that. but deep down in the pit of her stomach, there was an aching fear. what if he tried to take her away from him? she had no problem sharing custody or allowing blake to be with his son, but to permanently take custody from her? there was no way in hell that she would let him. lucas was her life and had been since the moment that she found out she was pregnant. to not have him in her life would kill her certainly. selfish sounding or not, lucas was the one who made her grow up and turn her life around. granted that she still had zero direction for her life as of now other than trying to be the best mother that she could be while she was still relying on her trust fund from her parents, adalia was growing up and learning. and lucas made her realize that she didn't only have herself to take care of anymore. because of that, she had grown into a better person. a better person that some of her old friends didn't even seem to recognize. she still looked the same, aside from possibly being slightly tanner from living in monaco, but she was a vastly different person from the bitch wild child she used to be.

either way, she was different now and there was no way that she wouldn't have lucas not in her life. but she made herself a promise and that promise carried over to lucas. he couldn't live his life without a father. she owed him that much to at least give blake a try. to be honest, she wasn't even sure if he liked kids. god she hoped that he did, or at least he would like his own child. there had been a point in the beginning of her pregnancy that carried all the way through it were she wasn't even sure if blake was actually the father. perhaps that was part of the reason that she ran in the first place. it was hardly wholesome that she found herself pregnant out of wedlock (something that her parents certainly would not find suiting at all), but that she wasn't even sure who the father was. now that wasn't to say she wasn't some common whore who found herself in bed with every guy she met walking down the block, but even between two men was appalling to even herself. once lucas was born though, she could tell. he was born with a head of dark hair, just like her own and blake's, and there was just something about his face. as he grew a little older and learned to smile, that's when it really hit her. he had the same smile as blake, since that was one of his prominent features that adalia had always loved even from childhood. she could have gone through all of the effort of actually getting the exact truth, but she knew. besides, blake was more likely anyway as the other guy she had slept with had been a few weeks before and was less than a thirty percent chance. lucas though looked just like him aside from his eyes, as she noticed he had the same brown eyes that she had.

carrying her bundle of joy in a baby carrier, adalia's eyes tore over the university's campus. it had been so long since she had been here. if she remembered correctly, there was a rager to celebrate the last day of finals that she got infamously drunk at. her head shook at the thought of how much she really didn't care at all that year and how much time she really wasted... being wasted. looking down at the little boy who stared back up at her with a pacifier in his mouth, a smile came across her face. he literally was what changed her world for the good, born out of wedlock or not. she was never one for doing things the right way anyway. the cafe, which was more like a stand nearby that happened to serve a few little things to eat with drinks like coffee or tea and was mostly just the picnic tables that she very well remembered tanning out on just to get boys' attention, looked pretty empty for the most part. the weather was still rather enjoyable seeing the summer had basically ended and fall was now coming around. perhaps people were still in classes by now. the time said it was close to two in the afternoon, the time that she had asked blake to meet up with her. in the owl she had written to him, she had been extremely vague about all of this. all she had really written was that she was back in town and had missed him (which was true since she couldn't not think about him, really) and that she wished they could get together to catch up seeing she had a lot to tell him. yes, well, that was bit of an understatement.

adalia ordered herself a small tea from the stand and walked over to an empty picnic table, sitting down on one side and setting the carrier beside her. the few people around seemed to eye her funny, as if they either recognized her and thought 'what the hell?' or wondering why a woman brought a baby onto a university campus. she didn't care though. a sip was taken from the tea before reaching over to unbuckle lucas and pull him from his carrier. he stood on his own wobbly legs, feet planted into her thighs as her hands held him up and he swayed slightly as if in a slight bounce. through his pacifier he smiled as he looked at her, the sight that made her proud every time she saw it. blake would love him, just like she did, right? how couldn't he? perhaps it was just motherly love, but she didn't think there was anyone who could resist lucas. bastard child or not, he was still the result of two (if she could toot their own horns) beautiful people and was himself a beautiful child. but he had this way of getting along with just about everyone who was a good person. it was like he could read people, even at such a young age. baby's intuition, the books had all called it. either way, he was the apple of her eye. and he could lose her in their own little world, which was exactly what had happened in that moment as she had begun to make noises that somewhat resembled cooing and planting raspberries and kisses all over his stomach and cheeks. yes, quite a different adalia indeed.

tagged: blake sykes - - word count: one thousand, three hundred, and eighty-seven - - lyric credit: motion city soundtrack - - graphic/template credit: myself - - notes: she is a such a cute mommy. xDD

[blake t. sykes]

with this broken wing

there's so much to hold onto now.

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,10,true][atrb=style,background-image: url('http://i53.tinypic.com/wb98wn.jpg');,true] UNTIL THE DAY I DIE ! An irritated Blake didn’t take much that was for sure. There was so much that could get to him in a blink of an eye. Most of the time it occurred at home, but at the point where he was enjoying himself in his dorm with a beautiful woman only to be interrupted by an owl (not his, if he may add) rasping on the window he found himself annoyed at school as well. From past experiences, Blake knew all too well that if he didn’t open the window for any bird to give him his letter, it wouldn’t stop making noises. If anything, snowy owls were always the persistent type. Ending his session with the beautiful lady, he let her escort herself out of the room, completely distracted by this point. The only time the Slytherin boy ever really received letters was when they were from his youngest sister- when he read those type of letters, no one was allowed anywhere near him. The one thing that Blake didn’t portray himself as was emotional. He acted as if he was heartless and uncaring, unemotional and unattached while in truth he did have a side of him that was exactly the opposite. His redeeming qualities were brought out by his squib sister, one of the only girls in his life that he worried about on a daily basis and in full, cared about to the end of the world and back. Waiting until he heard his door shut, Blake opened the window and allowed the snowy owl to fly in. Gathering some treats within his hand, he fed them to the bird and untied the letter. Knowing full well that his sister didn’t own a snowy owl, he was curious. Had she gone somewhere? Was she in some sort of trouble? Within seconds, he had himself worried beyond belief. Sitting down on his bed, he unrolled the piece of parchment to notice that the handwriting wasn’t one he recognized at all. In other words, it was not from his sister. Allowing himself to breath in and out a few times, he lowered his heart rate and then began to read over the letter he had been sent. It was addressed to him, and didn’t take too long to read. It was a vague letter from a girl he had slept with quite awhile ago. She missed him and wanted to have some coffee. Rolling his eyes, he couldn’t believe he had stopped his sexy time to read it. It didn’t come to much of a surprise that she missed him, as it was him, but it did come as a surprise that she hadn’t just come to him and asked herself. However, he hadn’t seen her around campus since the night they hooked up, so it was quite possible she didn’t know where to find him. Having absolutely nothing to do, he shrugged his shoulders and decided that it really couldn’t hurt to get a cup of coffee. He hated to admit it, but the girl he had chosen had less skill than she claimed to have, so he needed some more interesting things to keep his mind from what he always hated thinking about- any reality of his life. Glancing down at his naked body, the first step to actually getting out of his dorm was obvious- put some clothes on. Smiling at the breeze he felt from the still open window, he went and closed it before making his way over to his wardrobe closet. Grabbing a pair of boxers, jeans and a tight grey shirt, he threw everything on in a jiffy. It was the time of the year that a cold wind was starting to set in, preparing for winter to come within short time. Unhooking a blazer from a hanger, he slid it onto his body and flattened the color until it was smooth. Running a hand through his hair, he was happy with the end result he saw in the mirror after a mere five minutes of getting ready. The local café had never been his favorite location, but it was where she had wanted to met so it was there that he would venture. Pursing his lips, he wasn’t really sure what to expect when he saw her. The two had never really been close, besides the one drunken night that they had been intimate in the sense of being one. There were many drunken nights in Blake’s past, but the reason as to why he remembered the one he spent with Adalia was because she had rocked his world, literally. To put it simple, Blake was a whore and it took a lot to be remembered in his mind. Apperating to the café, he didn’t want to give himself too much time to think about what he would say or why she wanted to see him because over thinking things was something he was far too guilty of doing, despite the fact that he was the only one really aware of that besides his sisters and closest mates. Raising his hand up above his eyes in a straight line, he squinted slightly to avoid the sun as he searched around for the dark haired girl he hadn’t laid eyes on for quite some time. Scanning passed her at first, it was only when he looked back a second time that she was the girl with a baby in her lap, kissing him and laughing as she did so. Taking a step back, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to be there anymore. Why did she have a kid? He had never seen her pregnant. Trying to remember back to the day that they slept together, he couldn’t remember clearly whether they had used a condom or not- his mind was telling him yes because it was what he wanted to believe but he knew his gut was feeling uneasy because of the fact that he knew deep down they hadn’t. Perhaps it wasn’t her kid. That was possible, right? She could just be babysitting and for that reason, she was in the area and decided to have coffee and catch up with him. Yes, that sounded right- that had to be what she had called him down here for. Taking a breather, he smoothed his hand through his hair and walked over to the picnic table. ”Hey Adalia. Cute kids. Who’s i-?” he started to ask, stopping half way through his sentence as he looked at the boy. Blake had never actually had a thing against kids. There were a few that were annoying beyond belief, but they were innocent and reminded him of how vulnerable his sister had been, and therefore got protective of them quite easily when they were in his care. Looking at the babies started to shake his head in denial. No. No no no no no. This was NOT happening. Reaching for his arm, Blake closed his eyes and blinked. This was a dream. It had to be a dream. Opening his eyes, nothing around him had changed. Adalia was still there, and the baby was still in her hands, smiling a smile he recognized all too well. It was all too unfortunate that he was recognizing this, as he was having thoughts that his freak out would look ridiculous if the baby wasn’t actually his. He would have known by now if it was his, though. Right? He thought so, then again he wouldn’t have known unless Adalia told him and he hadn’t seen her, as mentioned before, in quite some time. ”This is not happening.” turning his back, he stared around him, waiting for someone to jump and scream “got cha!” Seconds passed and nothing, nothing at all happened. Eyebrows furrowed, he turned. ”He is not mine.” were the only words he could spit out, no matter how untrue he could already tell they were. 1320 WORDS , ADALIA NOTT , OUTFIT , listening to STORY OF THE YEAR , YESSSSSS!

table by california dreaming @ caution 2.0

[adalia l. nott]

this is what i've got going on
THIS IS WHERE I BELONG TONIGHT

waking up that morning, a naked blake sykes in her bed, adalia could have said that she had been rather pleased with herself. normally, pureblood galas were all the boring hype that they lived up to be. sometimes they offered a little excitement with an engagement or some scandal breaking loose, but it had been another boring get together to end of social summer season. all adalia saw it as was another reason to drink enormous amounts of champagne and show off the latest dress that she had convinced her father to buy for her. really, what other purpose was there? wasn't the point to mingle with the other pureblood children while all of their parents discussed things like how good one child and another would be with each other and the wonderful pureblood children they would make once they were arranged together in marriage? it had to go something like that. adalia really saw no other point seeing they had galas every few months or so. and really, what else went on in everyone's lives were they had something new to report on every three months or so?

either way, she saw the night as a success. blake sykes was a pureblood like herself, coming from a pureblood family (although perhaps not as high on the list as her own). they were about the same age, so she had known him basically her entire life. that was the way it always worked. they had talked before, hung out perhaps a few times, but nothing ever really intimate or close. until that night last summer. it was easy (and correct) to say that adalia really hadn't forgotten about it despite the fact that it resulted in their child. even if lucas hadn't come from that night, she still would have remembered. adalia was what some called a whore, others called her a slut. either way, haters hated. to her, it wasn't that horrible since most of the stories about the men she had slept with were made up. one she had heard one time involved a married man, a definitely not true rumor. but at the same time, she wasn't exactly a prude either. some people she slept with and others she didn't. the ones she did sleep with just happened to have a slightly large quantity. okay. it wasn't a large quantity, but it was definitely over ten. being a real lady, she would never actually admit just to how many guys it was. besides, that was no one's business but her own.

it didn't even matter to her that she had had a drunken one night stand with blake and hadn't seen him in the month that followed. he wasn't exactly on her hangout list and they didn't really run into each other that much since school wasn't back in session. by the time she had found out she was pregnant that, addy had bowed out for a year at university claiming to want the year 'for traveling and self-discovery'. her father and mother had bought it, paying for her trip and everything. not to say that she was the able of her father's eye, but it was something close to that. he had several daughters. adalia did her best to live up to being pureblood and studying about their history and ancestry and learning about the dark arts. while she never really dabbled too far into it, that isn't to say that she doesn't know a thing or two. spells were never her thing. it was always potions that adalia found most skill in, hence why she received an 'outstanding' in potions. potions was something that she had considered taking into a career, but there really wasn't much to go on other than being a potions master or teacher at hogwarts or something like that. adalia really didn't like trying to teach people things though since she hardly had the patience. or at least back them she didn't. now though might be a different story. becoming a mother, you almost had to always have patience.

as lucas' legs gave out after only a few seconds, a laugh escaped her lips as she sat him on the table and made sure her hands had him around the waist securely. being only four months, he didn't really care to stand too long on his legs with her support, but she liked to see him try a little. he wasn't even rolling over yet, but she wasn't entirely sure what he would do when he started that. or crawling. or standing up on his own. or talking. or walking. just the thought could bring tears to her eyes, thinking of just how quickly he was growing up. yet, deep in the back part of her mind, she wondered if he would develop talking correctly or not. just before the incident in monaco, lucas had taken to recently babbling a lot and making forms of sounds that weren't quite words yet. now though, he hadn't really uttered much of anything besides a cry or a laugh. it was why she had taken him to acanthus several times, just to check. her old friend had said that lucas was perfectly fine, but adalia still worried. it was all her fault to begin with. she could still remember the night, remember how badly he was crying. he was still crying when she had set him down in his crib, tears rolling from his eyes as he looked up at her. that had been the last thing she saw before her boyfriend had beaten her to the ground and it was exactly what she was picturing when she had stabbed him. it had seemed like the moment he had fallen to the floor with the knife still sticking in him was the moment lucas had gone silent. then, she had gathered the both of them up and apparated to england.

shaking her head, adalia cast away the thoughts from that night. looking at her son, she tried every day to forgot things that happened that night. what she wouldn't give to take it all back, to undo what had happened, but she couldn't. because of that, it was her choice to try to ignore it like it never happened. she had already run away from it, now it was time to forget like it never happened. it wasn't like the muggle police would hunt her down or someone would bring it up. no one knew besides her. her thoughts were easily (and thankfully) interrupted by lucas reaching forward and grabbing her nose to pull her back into reality. she focused back on him for a moment with a smile, leaning in to give him another kiss, before her eyes refocused on a new figure standing just over her shoulder. her stomach instantly did a flip and then dropped to her feet. blake had actually come (not that she didn't expect him to) and this was all becoming increasingly stressing. how exactly she was going to tell him hadn't been quite worked out in her mind. what she had just gone for was winging it by asking him if he would come meet her and going from there. now that he was here though, she had no idea what to say. her mouth opened to greet him, but she watched him trail off his sentence as he looked at her son. their son.

oh no. this was the last way that she really wanted blake to know. she didn't want him to figure it out himself before she had the chance to tell him, just like she didn't want someone else to find out and tell him either. he had to hear it from her, but his quick assumptions and over thinking was helping him beat her to it. her brown eyes watched him attempt to pinch him, turn around, then face her again. lucas was still playing with her face, having a new thing with touching facial features which including her hair on most occasions. his hand currently had a grip on her lower lip as she watched blake turn back to them and utter words she really didn't want to hear. at first, the way that he had said it sounded almost offensive to her. if this had been the adalia that blake had known over a year ago, she would have been up and over the picnic table already in his face. when it came to something she loved, she defended it wholeheartedly. now so, she did the same, but in a much calmer demeanor. "lucas, honey, ow. stop," she spoke, gently removing her son's hand from her lip as he was attempting to pull it from her face and placing his set of plastic keys in it instead. her eyes wandered back up to blake. "yes he is...," adalia finally said, looking quickly all across his face for any sign of what he may do next. that wasn't exactly the way that she had wanted to tell him, but it would have been easier if he hadn't beaten her to it. "look, blake. i have a lot to tell you... obviously. it's why i sent you that owl. if you could just... sit, we can talk about this." god, did she have a lot of explaining to do. the only thing now that worried her was if blake would give her a chance to do so.

tagged: blake sykes - - word count: one thousand five hundred and seventy - - lyric credit: motion city soundtrack - - graphic/template credit: myself - - notes: LET THE BABY DRAMA BEGIN.

[blake t. sykes]

with this broken wing

there's so much to hold onto now.

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,10,true][atrb=style,background-image: url('http://i53.tinypic.com/wb98wn.jpg');,true] UNTIL THE DAY I DIE ! I want a paternity test This was the first thing that popped into Blake’s mind. Upon starting to make assumptions, Adalia’s face had given away the fact that he wasn’t narrowing down the facts in the wrong way- he was actually realizing it way faster than it seemed she wanted. Blake felt as if his head was spinning. This had to be a dream. What would he tell Arya? What would he tell his parents? The Slytherin didn’t even know what to tell himself. Arya, in all honesty, was like a little kid that needed protecting. Twelve didn’t know everything about the world and well, was still Arya’s child self. He cared and protected her, just like he did to his own sister, and wouldn’t give that up for the world. The difference was, he had taken this responsibility knowingly and they weren’t actually his children. Revising how much he cared for some of the people around him, he remembered the reason why- his parents. Ha. Like he was going to tell them! Whether this was really his child or not, his parents wouldn’t be told; not by his hands anyway. The night he had spent with Adalia had been over a year ago. He remembered because although he didn’t show it, he was pretty good with timelines. The fact that he was drinking that night blocked out the fact that he could have remembered the date, but drove himself not too. The two had spent their night together at one of the gala’s they were forced to go to because of their bloodline. Blake usually skipped out half way through and went home to see his sister, not wanting her to be alone and depressed because she wasn’t allowed anywhere near the party- or even outside, for that matter. However, this night his mind had been swayed. Adalia had showed up in a dress that flattered herself quite well. The two Slytherin’s were acquainted beforehand, having hung out here and there over the past few years of their teen hood. Nothing special ever sparked between them really, and that was just being honest. They both knew it and both wouldn’t deny it. All of this ‘spark’ was when talking about friendship, though. When it came to sexual attraction, he had always had a wandering mind when she was around. Everything started off with only flirting, eventually leading to her pulling his tie and whispering “let’s get out of here,” the real beginning to a great night. Blake didn’t think back to his one night stands too much. The amount of one night stands that had occurred to date was questionable, as he didn’t have a black book he kept track with or anything. The Slytherin was an asshole, yes, but he did believe in privacy, sexual encounters included. When you were a man-whore like Blake, there were rules that were to be followed in order to not end up in situations where children were the result. First rule: always use condoms. Second rule: NEVER BREAK THE FIRST RULE. When it came down to it, all was quite simple to come to an understanding with. Where had he gone wrong? As weird as it sounded, Blake always had rubber on him. There was no shame in his game. Blake took pride in being able to get in bed with the hottest girls in and off campus. Glancing at the little boy in front of him, Blake didn’t want to believe it. There had to be something going on here that he didn’t know about. The kid looked too much like him. "lucas, honey, ow. stop," Hearing the child’s name, Blake saw that it suited him. No, the name wasn’t his favorite by any means, but it did suit him. Unknowingly cracking a slight smile, the little boy was very active. He couldn’t seem to keep his hands off of.. everything. He was constantly moving, liked face features and totally ignored any toys given to him to stop the grabbing. Blake had been the same when he.. No. No no no no no. Blake wouldn’t allow himself to finish the thought. Stories were told to him about how he was when he was a child. Recalling them right now was not what he wanted to do. Walking forward quickly, Blake’s mind was too much all over the place to really think before he was doing something. Sitting down, he leaned across the table and looked at Adalia, making immediate eye contact. ”A lot to tell me? Really? What else do you have for me Is he a twin? Do I have two children that I don’t know about? Are you planning on not telling me about that” bursting, he didn’t take one single breath as he exploded words out in one big ramble. What was happening? Why him? Not being one to ask that question too often, he was now. Why? Blake had nothing whatsoever against the child, as any child was innocent. They couldn’t help that they were conceived, it was the parents fault. It was his fault. Trying to process everything, he leaned his head down in between his arms for a moment to try and gather his thoughts and take a breath. Closing his eyes, he inhaled and exhaled several times before keeping his hands on the side of his temple and looking up. Blake had come to the decision that he wasn’t going to be a dickhole and ask for a paternity test. If she had the guts to tell him that the child she had kept from him wasn’t his, then… he didn’t know. No matter what the Adalia Nott he knew was like, he couldn’t see her doing something like that. It was also hard to hide the fact that Lucas looked so much like him. ”Can I see him?” he asked, calmer now. His eyes were confused and sad, unsure as to why this was all happening. He was seeing his son for the first time, and he wasn’t that small. He was born.. and aged and this was the first meeting they were ever having. It broke his heart to know this. Blake had wanted to be everything his dad wasn’t. There, always. Helpful, happy, supportive. He wanted to teach his children how to do things, take pictures and be able to tell them what their mom craved that was weird when she was pregnant so they could both playfully tease her. He wanted to be there when the mother of his baby was pregnant. He was an asshole, though there was also a whole other side to him that could be brought out. It was fact, yet now not one he could prove because a choice hadn’t been given to him. Instead, it had been taken away without any consoling. Blake felt many things. Anger. Sadness. Confusion. Resent. He wanted to hear everything. Know everything about his son, why she hadn’t told him about it before. Why she chose the name Lucas. There was no passing it up; admitting the fact that the name Lucas wasn’t amazing was something obvious. Keeping this all to himself however, there was one last question that he wanted answered before moving onto anything else that she had to tell him. Just one last question before Blake went on to ask an estimate of around a billion and two questions about his son. Their son, Lucas. ”Why did you do this? Why did you keep him away from me?” There it was. The million dollar question right out in the open. 1264 WORDS , ADALIA NOTT , OUTFIT , listening to NADDA , I'M TIREDDD!

table by california dreaming @ caution 2.0

[adalia l. nott]

this is what i've got going on
THIS IS WHERE I BELONG TONIGHT

her son was literally everything to her. adalia really had no other purpose in life. the minute that lucas emerson nott had been born was the minute that her life started. before, all she used to do was just drift through life being wasted or bossy. she was a bitch to everyone and only showed care to a select few people. when she realized that her life was no longer about her, all of that changed. now, her entire life catered to her son. there was no changing that either. hell, she had killed a man who had even tried to slightly hurt her son. of course, lucas now didn't even let out any of the usual baby garble and adalia didn't not spend every minute of the day worrying about it and blaming herself. either way, her life would be given up just for her son. and since her son was everything to her, letting blake in was harder than she ever thought it would be.

it didn't help that blake simply put the pieces together before the words had ever left her mouth. what she had wanted to do was sit him dow and gently ease into everything, having a slight idea of what she had wanted to say to him in what order. since he went and ruined that, everything was out on the table and adalia had no idea how to proceed. letting blake in was going to be difficult only because she had let her son become her complete life. she had taken away the chance that blake possibly could have wanted with helping her throughtout her pregnancy, but at the time, she didn't know that. she didn't even think that he would be at all remotely okay with the fact that they had created a child together. what she wasn't good at was confrontation. once she had found out, it was immediate that she would keep the child. while she didn't have much path in her life, it never involved aborting an innocent child no matter what the circumstances of it's conceiving happened to be. not that adalia ever thought that blake would ask her to do that, but it was the fact that she didn't even know blake. she didn't know how he would react, and she was scared. that wasn't really a feeling she liked. running away wasn't just her solution to avoid telling blake that he was about to be a father, it was adalia trying to run away from how she was feeling. it hadn't worked in the slightest. but as her pregnancy went on, adalia felt less scared and more excited to be a mother. the idea came to be in her head that she could do this alone, always being more of an independent person. her intentions had been to never return to england or to her old life, eventually maybe pursuading caden to come join her. lucas and herself would live together in peace and everyone would forget. then, trouble just had to come.

but even before the incident had happened, adalia had a growing feeling. she knew that what she had done was a bad thing. what she should have done was tell blake when she found out. adalia should have never left. there were so many other people that she had let down, other than her son by keeping his father in the complete dark about his son. caden had been left behind and so had dahlia, not to mention her family. nearly a year later and here she was with a son, so it was bound that questions were going to be asked. but she owed answers to everyone, starting with blake. that was why he was the first person that she came to see once it was okay for her to come out into public again. of course, acanthus had been first, but that was a little more business than all personal. seeing her old friend was nice, but she wanted lucas looked at again. it still concerned her that he was still mute other than a laugh or two sometimes. what had happened would never escape her lips to anyone other than acanthus, but it would especially not be told to blake. what he needed to know was everything about his son, about her pregnancy. anything now to make him feel more connected with his son, to fill the void that she had made. travesties like the ones she created were not to be known nor did they need to be.

as blake sat down across from her, adalia couldn't help but meet his eye contact. she wasn't afraid of much as she still prided herself on being fearful of only a few things. losing lucas was one. another would be the look in blake's eyes. when the words burst from her mouth, her eyes tore from looking at the father of her son to her son instead. the smile was gone from his face and he had dropped the toy keys in his hands. this only caused a frown to appear on her features. one of her hands reached up, brushing across the baby's face in a way to comfort him. "blake, i'm sorry. i know that what i did was wrong, but i'll tell you about it all. no, he isn't a twin. it's only lucas. but i beg you, please, don't yell. you have every right to, and you can yell at me all you wish, but when we're alone. lucas, he.. he doesn't like yelling," adalia said in a hushed voice as she never took her eyes from her son. she couldn't quite tell if he looked like he was about to cry, but she had a feeling he wouldn't. he was always so well behaved in public. finally, she tore her eyes from lucas to look at blake. a more sympathetic look couldn't be found anywhere else than on her face, wishing that blake would put aside all his frustration and anger towards herself to keep from yelling. he hadn't been around yelling since that night, the night that they left, but adalia knew instantly that lucas responded to it. she wondered if deep down, he would always be prone to fearing raised voices and arguing. god, she hoped not.

it was a moment later when adalia was surprised by the words that came from blake's mouth. he was no longer yelling or being angry. all he asked was to see his son. all adalia could do was nod, trying to keep herself from saying anything and ruining the moment. she stood up, scooping her son up in her arms. it was much easier than trying to scoot him across the table, and honestly he had been sitting up for quite long enough. crossing the table, adalia sat down next to blake and nodded again. using her arms to show him how to hold his own, lucas was placed into his father's arms a moment later and adalia sat back to watch as their son just stared up at blake. she knew it wasn't going to be easy. none of this was. they had a child together while not actually being together. while children had never really come across her mind since she never really even imagined herself married, it still seemed to her like if she were to have children she would at least somewhat like her child's father. that wasn't to say that adalia didn't like blake, as he was a great guy. from when they did hang out, he seemed charming. and was a great lover, to say the least. but she didn't have any feelings really other than friendly for him. what she imagined was that she would at least love the person she shared a child with. someone like... how she felt about caden. adalia shook her head at the thought that suddenly came into her head, bringing her back into the moment.

"why did you do this? why did you keep him away from me?" that was something that she knew was coming, but had hoped he would save for the end or something. why? not because she didn't have an answer, but because she knew how futile her answer was. even now, she didn't want to say it out loud. no matter what she said, nothing would ever change the time that she had taken away from blake and lucas. it wouldn't change things that had happened over the past year. knowing that, adalia knew that she had to tell blake. an answer was an answer no matter if it isn't something as substantial as perhaps he was hoping. "i really don't know. i was scared and i didn't know what to do. so i ran. i thought that... i don't know what i thought. all i knew was that i was scared, and i couldn't bring myself to tell you. i thought about it, every day. of writing you a letter, but i knew that i owed you more than that. but the days went on, and i thought maybe i could do this alone. perhaps that everyone back here would forget about me, that you would forget. and no one had to know about lucas. after he was born though, that all changed," adalia spoke in a whisper as she sat facing away from the table and stared off at the stretching campus. "i'm independent, but i couldn't do it alone. when i saw his face, i saw you. i knew that i owed you more than this. i couldn't take away your son from you. so finally, i gathered us up and came home. and nothing i can do or say will bring back those months that you missed, but i'm here now. we're here now. and want you to know your son and be in his life as much as i am. i want you to love him like i love him." finally, she looked back over at blake as he held their son. no matter if the circumstances that brought them back home to england were the truth, either way she had done what she wanted to do. she had told blake. and now, hopefully, he would be apart of his son's life. for lucas' sake, she hoped that blake would want to be. what she wanted for her son was only the best. and having both of his parents around to love him was what he needed, even if they weren't together.

tagged: blake sykes - - word count: one thousand, seven hundred, and fifty-five - - lyric credit: motion city soundtrack - - graphic/template credit: myself - - notes: sorry for the length! and i'm sure there are 209482 spelling mistakes. spell check isn't working for me on this computer!

[blake t. sykes]

with this broken wing

there's so much to hold onto now.

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,10,true][atrb=style,background-image: url('http://i53.tinypic.com/wb98wn.jpg');,true] UNTIL THE DAY I DIE ! Knowing that he had a son changed everything. If he had known a year ago, when Lucas was actually born, he would have been there. Hell, if he had known right at the beginning he would have been there. Blake was against abortion, and his family had made sure his views were like this. Not in the way that was intentional, but in the way that they were so against it and said such harsh things that he wanted to literally kill them for that it went the opposite way. It came to know surprise to the few who knew the secret about his sister that it was that they had aborted her instead of having a squib in the family. He couldn’t believe them. They called themselves parents! Ha. Looking down at Lucas, he swore to himself right there, mentally, that he would never be close to the father that his was to him. He would be the opposite- he would be someone his son didn’t despise. Already he could feel a fear that his son would resent him for not being there for the first year of his life, whether it was his fault or not. Of course the truth would be the right thing to tell him, but if Adalia didn’t want to tell him, would he actually put her down in the gutter to make up for what wasn’t his fault? The choice was a hard one, and clearly they would have to talk that over. He didn’t want his son hating him for something that wasn’t his fault, though he also didn’t want his son hating Adalia for fleeing. They were his parents- and he wanted his son to have both his parents there, loving him, like he had never had. Having not noticed that he was raising his voice, he took it into account when she pointed out the obvious. Once again laying his eyes on Lucas instead of Adalia, he could see that the boy didn’t look happy. Frowning, how had he not known a child wouldn’t like yelling? That was something he should be an expert on. What if he was a bad father? Could Lucas potentially be better off without him? Parenting didn’t come naturally to most, what if it didn’t come naturally to him? What if he did something wrong? What if his parents found out that they had a grandchild? Placing both of his hands on either side of his head, he closed his eyes and threaded his fingers through his hair, holding tight. He should have had nine months to think this over. Instead he had no more than a second because it was already all real, right there in front of him in the shape of a little boy unhappy that his voice had rose. Looking up, he had to get himself together. He didn’t want to look like a mess in front of his son, no matter how young he was. ”I’m sorry, Lucas.”

[/b] Blake apologized in a lower tone of voice, sighing loudly.

If he wanted to, Blake knew he could be a complete dick and tell Adalia to go ring somebody else’s bell with a boot in her ass, but he wasn’t going too. Blake could tell that she wasn’t lying, and he couldn’t be like his father. Eyeing Adalia as she came around the table, he was glad that she hadn’t gone all he’s-my-son protective mother-like, as it was a possibility that she would have. He was their son though, and he didn’t want to have to fight for his ability to see him. He had missed out on enough already. Watching how Adalia showed him how to hold Lucas, he nodded and then took him into his arms. Holding Lucas for the first time was something he would never forget. A mental picture was worth more than anything, though he hoped to be able to get a real picture soon enough. What would Jassleen say if she were to seen him right now? He couldn’t even imagine how angry she would be getting at Adalia for giving him more to stress out about. Not in the way of having a child with him, but in the way of putting on him several months after the child was born. Although he didn’t show it, Blake did have a lot going on his life that others were lucky to never even imagine as possible. Lucas was so small. He weighed next to nothing in Blake’s arms. Getting lost in his son’s beautiful brown eyes, he smiled. He looked so much like him, though he definitely had Adalia here and there. Nobody could understand the feeling of being a parent until it happened. There was this magic that sparked up inside when seeing them for the first time. Like the muggles said, it was a ‘Kodiak’ moment. Here, with Lucas in his arms, things seemed to be so different already. His life would never be the same, though Blake didn’t find that he was too upset about it. It was changed in a good way, though he was also conflicted. A good example of a father would be sleeping with only the mother, not several girls, not even knowing the count of the sexual encounters experienced. Sighing, this was one thing he wasn’t able to change in the blink of an eye. He knew this much. It was like smoking, it would take time and a lot of effort. Smoking he was definitely willing to try and give up, though. Blake didn’t want Lucas getting second hand smoke, or to have the thought that it was okay to resort too. He may be able to let everyone else down, but the little human life in his hand wouldn’t be accepting anything less than the best from him. ”What’s his full name? His birthday? How much did he weight? How old is he?”[/b] Blake was aware that she had told him that she was going to tell him everything, but as he stammered out a bunch of questions, he didn’t once take his eye off of his son. The Slytherin couldn’t wait any longer to know.

Feeling his body tense up, he tried to ease himself because of the fact that he was holding Lucas and he knew that babies could sense when unhappiness. They were smarter than most gave them credit for. "i really don't know. the words cut him like knives. She didn’t know? He had missed a part of his sons life and she didn’t have a real reason for it? Blake wasn’t sure what he had been expecting, because if he had actually thought about it no reason would have made up for what she did. There was no reason as to why he shouldn’t have been there. He wasn’t abusive, he wasn’t a drunk, and he didn’t hate children. The fact that the two of them didn’t know each other that well would have left her not knowing all of this one hundred percent, though if she would have asked he would have answered. ”What are we supposed to tell him when he’s older? That we’re not married because we hooked up at a party and don’t actually love each other? That I wasn’t there because you ran and kept him from me? That he doesn’t have my last name because I didn’t even know about him. He’s going to think that I didn’t love him. That it was my choice. Children don’t always believe what they’re told. He’s going to resent me.”[/b] speaking his fears more to himself than Adalia, he was whispering them as he looked down at Lucas, asking the questions to the air really. Blake was in another world at the time being, thinking several things at one time. He wasn’t sure exactly what he was feeling. When he spoke he sounded quiet, his body language reading calm yet slightly uptight and uncomfortable. Running a finger across the hair that Lucas had on his head, he wanted to see what he would grow up to look like, what he would want to do when he grew up and whether he’d be magical or not. Either way, Blake wanted to love him. Just like Adalia did. ”Everybody needs somebody. It isn’t right to keep my son away from me, no matter how you feel. But I do have a proposition for you.”[/b] biting his lip as he slowly lifted his head and turned towards her, eyes sad but dead serious. ”I will not resent you to your face if you let me see him, and continue to be in his life, WITHOUT ever mentioning that we have a child to my parents. They cannot know that he exists. Ever.”[/b] She didn’t know what went on in his household, though really she owed it to him to mind her own business and respect his wishes. At least Blake felt like she did, and strong at that. ”Fair enough?”[/b] he asked, eyebrows rose slightly. This was definitely not what he had expected upon coming to meet Adalia. Blake wasn’t too sure what he had expected upon coming, however. Either way, he was glad he hadn’t skipped out and came to find out what he was missing out on for too long.
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1552 WORDS , SECRET KEEPER , OUTFIT , listening to ATREYU , i like length<3!

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table by california dreaming @ caution 2.0

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[adalia l. nott]

this is what i've got going on
THIS IS WHERE I BELONG TONIGHT

this day, no matter how angry blake may end up getting at her, would never be one that she regretted. there was already enough things dealing with blake that she regretted due to horrible decision making. from now on though, she was trying her best to right the wrongs she had made in the past. the first stop had been letting him know about lucas' existence. it was only fair to the both of them. giving blake the chance to know lucas was half of the step. the other was actually finding a way to make it work so that the both of them could equally be apart of their son's life. adalia, while very protective, would never bar her own son from his father. that wasn't the type of person she wanted to be. lucas deserved to have both parents, even if they weren't together and didn't love each other. plenty of people seemed to have children, but not be in relationships. hell, most of the pureblood marriages were about the equivalent of not being together. most just didn't have the luxury of being able to divorce. it wasn't looked up greatly in their society. but blake and herself were not in a loveless marriage or any marriage in that case. they were two people who now had a common bond. and it wasn't like they were never not friends and complete strangers. they could make this work.

knowing that blake cared about lucas was a more reassuring measure to all of this as well. to be honest, coming into this day, she wasn't at all sure how blake would react. her highest hopes had been that he loved lucas and was all accepting of that feeble excuse she had as to why he was only know meeting his son. of course, adalia was a realist and knew that he wouldn't be that understanding. hell, there wasn't even anything to understand. her answer as to why was stupid and wasn't even really an excuse. it was just her being weak and probably a little selfish in the moment. all she had thought about was herself and her unborn child. the fact that she was too scared to tell blake had only fueled her desire to run far off and live a life where no one knew her. that, however, did not last long and adalia had a feeling that evne if it had lasted longer, she would have come home just as quickly. not being with her family and caden was slowly eating away with her, along with the guilt of keeping blake from knowing and loving his son. however, seeing his quick understanding as to not raise his voice, she had slightly higher hopes. blake hadn't run off or claimed that she was a liar and only pegged him because it was convenient. he didn't act like a total prat and demand a paternity test. she knew that he saw exactly what she did when she looked at lucas, showing that no paternity test was even needed. lucas was blake sykes' son, there was no question about that. a small smile graced her face though for the first time, nodding in respect that he honored her request to keep his voice from being raised even though she knew it was in no inclination towards her and only towards lucas' well-being and comfort.

sitting there, her back resting against the table part of the picnic table, adalia looked out over the campus. oh how her life had changed, and now blake's would too. for that, she did feel sorry. what if he had great plans? or what if he had other things going on in his life? it was horrible for her just to spring this on him, a thought that she was only now realizing. but there was no undoing what she had done last year. she couldn't take it back, as much as she could. for now, they would just have to go forward. her eyes tore back to blake, watching him for a moment with their son. the look on his face, the way his eyes stared at lucas, she knew that exact look. it had been the same one she donned the moment that he had been born. it was a look that helped her reassure herself that blake would be in for the long run and be apart of his son's life. lucas would grow up with both of his parents, just like she always hoped. it wouldn't matter if blake got married down the road or if adalia found someone else, as long as he had his two parents. a stepmother or a stepfather was never a bad thing, only more people to love him. that was all that concerned her, that their son was safe and loved. she blinked for a moment as all the questions fell from blake's mouth before she was even ready to comprehend any type of talking. it took her a moment to process all that he had asked. she knew that he would have millions of questions, probably wanting to know everything and anything about their son. a tiny little laugh escaped her lips as she shook her head, trying to make the mood a little lighter. he hadn't even looked away from lucas to ask them, which made her smile even more. "his full name is lucas emerson nott. he responds to booger and goober sometimes. just... you know, little play names i call him. all good fun. he was born on may thirteenth. it was almost the fourteenth, but he came along at 11:34. seven hours of labor, in case you wanted to know that," she said as she shook her head at the memory, "and he was seven pounds and three ounces. he has all ten fingers and ten toes. and he's just over four months old. his smile is... just like your's. he doesn't speak yet, only mumbled garble. but he rarely even does that. he's more of a quiet type, as you'll come to find. but he loves to smile." it was almost as if he knew what she was saying as she looked down on him, but at that moment lucas broke out in one of his smiles as he looked up at blake. a small hand reached up towards his face, his fingers making grabbing motions. "he also likes noses and hair. occasionally lips, so be careful. they seem to entertain him more than toys, but he does love those too. but i keep his nails cut though so he doesn't scratch."

adalia watched blake become slightly more tense, reaching over to place her hand on his shoulder. "i know you're angry with me, but relax a little. babies can connect to you more than you imagine. he can feel if you're uncomfortable and tense," she said softly. she knew that he should have had his awkward phase of holding lucas at the same time that she had, but she knew that he would catch on quickly. a frown crossed her features, hearing him speak once more. the thought wasn't too farfetched. there very well could be a scenario when lucas grew up where he thought that blake had abandoned him, but adalia would make sure that wasn't the case. "he isn't going to hate you. when he gets older, i... we'll tell him. the both of us. we'll tell him that we were friends who got close. it's not like we're total strangers. you're still my friend, blake. i still care for you, even more so now. he'll know that it was my choice, that i selfishly left because i was scared. we'll tell him how from the moment you knew, you were here. that you love him just as much as i do. he won't hate you. if anyone, it would be me for keeping him from you for all these months. it was my doing. it was my wrong, not your's," she spoke quietly as she looked at her son and then away to look over the grounds. it was her fault, and she would never try to poison blake just to try to make sure that lucas always loved her. she had made a mistake. she was human, just like everyone else. what mattered was that she loved lucas and blake loved lucas. "what matters is that he has two parents who love him, even if they aren't together."

a small frown appeared on her face as she looked down at her hands. he wouldn't resent her to her face? well, what could she really expect? she had kept his son from him. of course he would hate her. there had just been a part of her that wished that he wouldn't hate her. "blake, when i asked you here, i did it with intentions of letting you be in his life. i want you to be in lucas' life and be as much apart of him as i am. i didn't come here to tell you and then not let you see him. i'm not a bitch... not like i used to be," she said, biting down on her life. "and i never planned on telling your parents. not even my parents know who his father is because i knew that you had to be the first to know." a sigh escaped her lips. "i don't want you to hate me, and i'm going to do whatever it is to earn your trust back. but i just want our son to have both of his parents around." adalia looked up at blake, the frown gone from her face but the sad look still there. the new kinder adalia really didn't take well to people hating her, least of all the father of her child. "but if that's what you ask, i won't say anything. or at least not to your parents. i don't see why it's such a big deal if they know, but if that is your wish." her free hand ran through her hair, messing it all up for a moment before it fell back into seemingly the same place it had all been before. "and, about his name, if you were planning on being in his life, i was going to change it. if that was what you would want. i mean, i was going to make it that at first anyway, but i felt like i didn't have the honor to use your last name. but i would like it, if you want your son to have your last name." adalia looked back at blake. perhaps, this is where she could start gaining her ground again in his eyes. at this point, she just wanted to make him happy after all of what she had caused him so far this day and in the past year as a result.

tagged: blake sykes - - word count: 1815 - - lyric credit: motion city soundtrack - - graphic/template credit: myself - - notes: sorry for the shitty quality and rambling. i'm in an off mood.. you know what i'm talking about. : P

[blake t. sykes]

with this broken wing

there's so much to hold onto now.

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,10,true][atrb=style,background-image: url('http://i53.tinypic.com/wb98wn.jpg');,true] UNTIL THE DAY I DIE ! "lucas emerson nott."

[/color] blake repeated his son's full name in a murmur, putting it fully into his memory. it wasn't his favorite, but it did fit lucas quite well. nodding his head as she continued, everything she said was imprinted into his head. he wouldn't forget it. the slytherin didn't like to toot his own horn, but his memory was quite something when it came down to it, especially if it involved soemthing he wanted to remember for future reference. twitching slightly when she mentioned seven hours of labour, he couldn't imagine what girls went thorugh. sure, he could take a good amount of pain but he gave them credit. they could too when it came down to it, no matter how much of a pussy they were when it came to other things. somewhat surprised by the fact that she noticed lucas having the same smile as him, seemingly already having discovered this before today, he gave her credit for remembering what his even looked like. their son was beautiful, that much was inevitable- no matter which part of him being looked at. as a whole, he was prefect. lucas had lucked out with having good genes, apperance wise, coming from both sides. emrald eyes still on his son, he began to talk at the wrong time. as adalia had begun to warn him, lucas was reaching up to grab whatever he was able. little, soft hands grasp onto his lower lip and pulled, smiling as he bounced slightly, smile growing. looking up at adalia, he rose his eyebrows and shrugged, smiling at the same time, lucas still holding on tight for a four month old. waiting for lucas to let go, he may be shocked to have a child but he wasn't disappointed. it wasn't right to look at any child as a mistake. thinking of his father, he would kill anybody who even joked about telling his family; that is, besides his sisters. for a twenty year old, blake definietly shouldn't have been too farmilar with children but he knew the basics like how to make a bottle and hold it. his parents had neglected to do everything a parent should with his sisters and always dragged him into helping them out. it may not of been his child, but when you were raised in a pureblood household you did what you were hold, or else. the slytherin never did want to find out what the "or else" was, especially after the shit hit the fan on his youngest sisters eleventh birthday. unsure of what she would think of lucas, he hoped that she would be accepting because eventually he wanted to be able to take lucas to his place for the night and because she lived there with him, her tolerance would be neccisary to not have his life become a living hell.

when it came to his new apartment, he now had to add baby furniture and anything else adalia specified for him to purchase to the list of 'things to buy.' there were quite a few items on the list it wasn't like a few more would hurt anyone. "what should i get for him in my apartment? can you come shopping with me? i'm not too sure what's the best brand and quality.."[/color] he wasn't ashamed to ask for help, as when it came to lucas he didn't want to be cheap or go for what looked good over what was good. too many people were like that these days. staying still as she touched his shoulder, he hadn't expected contact to come between them but he did not mind. blake wasn't touch-a-phobic. this was clear considering he had his son in his hands at the time being and having been able to create his son in the first place was proof of that. brushing the head of hair lucas had grown over the last four months, blake nodded as he listened to adalia, this time looking up at her. shaking his head a moment later, he went vocal so that she knew what his head actually was thinking about the whole 'he could hate me in the future because of this' situation. "no. we won't tell him that you ran away because you were selfish and scared. when the time comes around, or at least closer to it, we can discuss it. we don't have to have him hating on either of us for any period of time. besides the times in his teenager when he wants to do something and we won't let him." allowing a small chuckle to escape his lips, he watched as lucas extended his arms out towards adalia. picking him up, he passed him back to his mother, glad to have held him once no matter how long or short it the time period. he offically had forever to do so from this day on. unsure of how lucas would act when he was a teenager when it came to the fact that his parents aren't together and in love with one another only time could tell, he did hope that lucas would understand that even though they didn't love each other and weren't together manogomously that they still loved him unconditionally. for blake, he already knew that nothing could change that either.

glad that adalia understood, blake didn't understand why but he found that he had calmed down a great deal in quite a fast period of time. "my dad can't know that he has a grandchild for a reason. eventually i'll let you in on the big deal but know, if you want him safe, no one can let him in on this. even my mother can't know because she tells him everything. sucks at hiding anything, to be honest,"[/color] grumbling, his parents were the one part of his family he hated to mention. because of this, he was more than glad to move on to a different subject. honestly, if the subject was male on male action he'd feel more comfortable and blake sykes was in no way gay or bisexual. he liked vagina- a lot. surprised at what adalia ended up changing the subject too, he knew the answer right away but he wasn't sure if she really wanted to do it, or was trying to gain positive energy from him. "are you sure that's what you want? because if you're only trying to get positive feelings from me, we have plenty of time to make that happen." blake didn't want to make her change their sons name after it had already be chosen but if she was really one hundred percent willing, he definietly wanted to have lucas go around with his last name. the fact that he wasn't the only sykes family in the pureblood world helped to hide the fact that it was his son from his parents if they were to ever hear about him. "what made you have such an appifiny to come back?"[/b] blake didn't mean to be rude, and his tone was reasonable, but he was truely curious. something had to have happened besides her changing her mind about staying away. he knew if it were him, the chances were that procrasination would hit in because of nerves. adalia did have a bit set of balls (figuratively speaking, of course) to come to him and open up after four months of hiding such a big, real, truth from him. "you can gain my trust back by starting with keeping your word on allowing me to see my son. we'll work on it from there. it'll probably take awhile but we'll try out best, for lucas' sake and our own.| blake spoke what was on his mind, knowing that he did want to be friends with adaia for more than just lucas' sake because when two people only got only for the child, something ugly always ended up raising sooner or later. and blake was running out of space for ugly situations to glide into his life at this point.
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1345 WORDS , ADDY , OUTFIT , listening to TV
it's all over! i'm sorry. D :

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table by california dreaming @ caution 2.0

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[adalia l. nott]

this is what i've got going on
THIS IS WHERE I BELONG TONIGHT

there was something that just brought a smile to her face upon hearing their son's name fall from blake's mouth. when she had woken up this morning, this wasn't exactly at all how she pictured her day to go. certainly she thought there would be some kind of yelling, definitely some arguing. name-calling was on the list too. yet none of things had happened. blake sykes was actually holding his son, and this couldn't have made adalia more proud. as much as she loved being his mother, she wanted lucas to have both of his parents. a child deserved that, even if they weren't together. and it wasn't like adalia had never thought about the idea of her and blake trying to make it work together, but there were several things that stopped her. for one, she barely even knew him in all honesty. they had barely been friends before they had slept together and the longest actual interaction time had been their steamy night together, which adalia will never forgot for reasons other than the fact it was when their son was conceived. for second, she highly even doubted that blake would be okay with that idea. who knows if he had a girlfriend or even someone that he liked or if he even had any attraction to her. but the last, which was actually the first and only that she seemed to be thinking about, was caden. caden was her reason. all while she was gone and even more so since she had gotten back, he had ever been on her mind. it wasn't just because he was her best friend out there, but for so many other reasons. she just hoped that she hadn't burned that bridge the moment she left, and that was still something that she had to find out sooner or later.

caden was the one person who was always on her mind these days, aside from lucas at a constant basis. he had been the first person to ever break her out of her shell. now that she wasn't a bitch anymore and was an actual good person (or so she would like to believe), it was him that she wanted to show. perhaps now, she would be the kind of girl that deserved to be with him. only now she had a son, with another man, and god only knew how caden would react to that. or react to the fact that she was now back. she knew there was a lot of things that he had dealt with in his life, abandonment issues being the biggest one. here she had gone and broken his biggest number one rule, but she had to protect him from how horrible of a person she had become. becoming pregnant by a guy she wasn't even dating while drunker than a skunk was not someone who should be around people. how she had even had friends had shocked adalia, now that she looked back on her life. things had changed now though. lucas was her entire life, and she knew as soon as her pregnancy had finally hit her that she was now going to be someone's role model. finally being away from her family and friends who were just like her taught her that she didn't always have to be a mean person. there was so much good in this world that was just overshadowed because of the people she was constantly around. it really wouldn't surprise her if she stopped talking to most of the people she used to hang out with. the last thing she needed was all that catty and bitchiness around her son. whatever she did now reflected onto lucas, and she hoped that blake would understand that. she knew that he hadn't really been a picture perfect guy when she had left. he drank, smoked, and was well-known with the ladies. she only hoped that he changed while she had been gone or at least knew that he was now responsible for setting an example for their son, but she had good faith that the head on his shoulders was in fact a caring one and he knew exactly how to be a good example.

the fact that he was already asking her what he should get for in his apartment was already pointing her in the direction of knowing that he would be a good father. not even here a half an hour and he had already met his son and was thinking about what he needed to get or do for him. it only helped the smile on her face stay there. "well, there's quite a few things. a diaper changing table, crib, he quite likes rocking chairs. i have one at my house and he loves when we sit in it and i sing to him, not too magnificently i might add," she said trying to lighten the mood a little. what had shocked her more was that blake had asked her to come with him, which no part of her minded. when she had gone to get all of her things, no one had been with her and she had to learn as she went. it was nice that she could help blake out with guidance in getting just what lucas liked. "sure i'll go with you. i don't mind at all. in monaco, there were some different things, little things that lucas liked, but i'm sure they have exactly the same here in england. did you.. want to go now? or, another time?" she wasn't too sure as he hadn't been specific as to when. it wasn't like she had anywhere else to be. her father was expecting her later, but that was still something she had been avoiding since she had gotten back. her mother had told him of the amount of damage done to her face upon her return. while he hadn't been too happy about it, adalia had yet to be able to bring herself to telling him how exactly that came about happening or to answer any of the other numerous questions her father had for her. her mother was someone that she could handle, but her father wasn't. he, of all people, was one of the few that she feared. as he always said, he gave her life and he had the power to take it away, although he had yet to ever seen him come close to bringing that phrase to reality.

her brown eyes watched as lucas extended his arms out towards her, feeling a little guilty that blake's time to hold him was up already. she had held him for nine months in her stomach and four on top of that. blake had only had a few minutes, but she knew that would change very soon. she took him in her arms, holding him up against her chest where his head rested on her shoulder and her hand massaged his back lightly. "that sounds like a plan. i'm sure that he'll be understanding. loads of parents aren't together these days anyway. i mean, you may be married or something by that time or perhaps i will. but he'll always know who his mother is and who his father is and that we love him more than anyone else, unconditionally," adalia spoke with a slight nod as she looked down at the fuzz of hair that was currently resting with a hand clamped on her long curls. at least he wasn't pulling on it as usual, was all that she thought to herself. looking back at blake though as he spoke about his father, a sea of worry rose up in her. was his father that dangerous? would he hurt lucas if he found out? "blake, i put lucas' safety in front of everything in my life. everything. if you think your dad could hurt lucas in any way, you have to tell me. i don't mind telling people that you're his father, but if it means it would get back to your dad, i'm not too sure if that's a good idea. you need to tell me where these lines are with your dad and your family so that i don't cross them and put our son in danger." perhaps she was being a little over-precautionary but that was what she did. that was how a mother reacted. the safety and well-being of her son came first in her life. "i mean, i'm not offering to give lucas your last name because i want to win points with you. i can do that later on. when he was born, i almost gave him your last name, but i thought that without you knowing, it wasn't mine to bestow on him. now that you know though, i would love to properly give him the name he should have had from birth," she spoke with a curt nod. adalia knew how to suck up and kiss ass, but that certainly wasn't what she was doing with blake right now.

overall, this meeting had been going amazing. but as soon as the words of curiosity fell from blake's mouth, adalia knew too well that the color had to have drained from her face. that night in monaco was never something she ever wanted to relive, but she did every time she had a moment to herself. at night, it was what she had nightmares about or sat up for hours staring at her ceiling thinking about. she had taken a life to save a life. her son's safety was always first for her, and in turn that meant keeping her own up as well. the man, her boyfriend, had been bad news from day one, but adalia could never explain to anyone why she had kept him around from the moment he had hit her the first time. none of this would ever be told though, least of all to blake. the last thing that adalia wanted was for blake to think she was a horrible mother and try to take lucas away from her. "i had been getting quite a few letters from home and they had been weighing on me on top of the every day battle of keeping lucas away from you. then one day, monaco just got boring. so i packed up my things and knew my place was back here, so it's where i came," adalia spoke softly. she had always been a good liar before, but there was some faith in her that she had lost her touch. monaco got boring? anyone who had been to monaco knew it was nothing close to boring. but it was her story and she was sticking to it. that story was better than anything closely related to the truth. looking down at lucas and back at blake, adalia nodded. "blake, he's your son as much as he is mine. he's our son. and unless you walk away, you will always be apart of his life and i will let you in any way. birthdays, holidays, appointments, first days of school, all of that. it's all your's to experience. i won't keep him from you anymore, ever again." and those words were as truthful as it could get from adalia nott, aside from if she ever told caden stretton that she loved him, but that was a longshot.

tagged: blake sykes - - word count: 1898 - - lyric credit: motion city soundtrack - - graphic/template credit: myself - - notes: sorry for the wait.