* these abundant skies

[arya c. wallece]

LEARNING TO BREATHE

the thought of the psychologist made her cringe. she didn’t want to go see miss emery. the idea of actually talking about her feelings and saying what she felt and all of those lousy things, it was stupid. she didn’t see why she had to go see the goddamn psychologist. she could have seen herself doing anything else like what. doing her homework? pfft, yeah, like that was gonna happen. maybe go talk with friends or watch a movie or somethin’. then again, it wasn’t like she was gonna remember the movie in the least. she had the crappiest memory out of everyone in the world. damnit! she didn’t want to go! she sat on the edge of her bed, holding her head. the woman gave her a headache. she talked like she was a preacher. she never cursed, she always asked questions. it wasn’t a damned nunnery. ughh! arya walked over to her closet, debating on something to wear. it should be something pretty awesome. it wasn’t like she was going to go into the place looking bloody ugly. that just wasn’t her way. it took her almost half an hour to decide on the shirt she was going to wear and then just a few ‘nother seconds to decide what sort of thing matched with it. she had a natural knack at picking out her clothes. her skirt reached to her thighs, but thankfully her socks were long enough to reach her knees. she was a bit taller than some of the other girls at the university and that was a good thing. she sure looked hell of a lot better than some of them who were like, wannabes. pfft. she wasn’t even going to bother looking for a watch. it wasn’t like she really kept track of time. she couldn’t remember the last time she wore a watch. frankly, she couldn’t remember the last time she did a lot of things, but whatever. it was probably her short term memory. see, the thing about mpd is that you had the tendency to have a blanked memory. just imagine trying to remember something that just won’t come up to you. and maybe a day later, you suddenly remember. that’s the way it was with arya. the only thing was that it was with different personalities. she didn’t know about that though. she had been talking to the psychologist for over a year and it seemed like nothin’ was working. she just asked questions about the weirdest things. sometimes it was about parties and other times it was about... about... well, they were about something. she just couldn’t remember at the moment.

ugh, she was late wasn’t she. arya rolled her eyes and put her hair up into a ponytail, a frown upon her lips. she hated these things. why did she keep going again? she grabbed her bag, groaning as she trudged out the stairs and towards the hospital building. see, it wasn’t too far from the school. it was funny that most people didn’t even know she was being treated. or well, ‘treated’ as if there were something wrong with her. hell no. she was as bloody normal as everyone else. she didn’t need a psych telling her that she was crazy. she wasn’t... no, she shook her head trying to get those thoughts out of her head. whatever. screw this. this was a bunch of bull. arya opened the door and made her way through the guard. “hey josie,” she muttered and walked past the doors. this was a joke. it really was. she couldn’t remember half of her time here and yet, all she knew was that this was a place for a buncha psychos and loons. yeah, that was it. she wasn’t one of them. she would’ve run away if she could, but even then... something held her back. she wanted to, but she just couldn’t bring herself to. it was like one of those feelings where you wanted to leave, but it was your mum telling you you couldn’t in the back of your mind. it was weird. wicked. arya smirked at the thought and grabbed a vogue magazine. bloody muggles. had nothin’ better to do but read about skinny arse girls in ugly looking dresses. see, if she were a model, she’d definitely ask for better treatment and everything. she put a leg over the other and started flipping through the pages, but her eyes kept gazing around the room. there were some beautiful paintings and funny thing, one of them said ‘arya’. it wasn’t a real common name, that’s all she knew, but where in the world did they find someone with the same name? she snorted at the thought of her doing them. it wasn’t like she was really talented or whatever. “wallece, arya? miss emery’s ready for you,” the attendant announced making a few of the other people in the room stare at her. what? what were they looking at? as much as she liked attention, she wanted it from gorgeous guys. not a bunch of half lookin’ loons. she rolled her eyes and got up, leaving the magazine on the chair. a blond woman who looked to be in her late thirties came out, a smile on her face. it made arya want to puke. miss emery. the only woman who would choose to be a psych than a stripper. clearly the woman had the body to impress any other guy. just imagine what she must have looked like when she was younger. “arya, we’ll be going to the park today- since it’s a beautiful day,” ms. emery said gently, “will mr. malfoy be joining us today?” what? mr. malfoy? like in... phoenix malfoy? when was this plan happening?

that was when out of the corner of her, she noticed someone familiar looking. the same half smile, rather serious eyes, and messy hair. that could only be one person. she smiled brightly, making her whole face seem to lose three or four years already. it was birdie! it was her birdie! her eyes changed the slightest color, turning to a jade green. she waved enthusiastically, making ms. emery chuckle the slightest. she liked to make people laugh! a younger girl’s voice came from her lips, “birdie!”

I'M LEARNING TO CRAWL
holaa metroooo station!. this post has about... er. 1049 words. i swear, i am incapable of uber small posts. anyways, she's wearing this hurr pretty little outfit. boy, if i could pull that off, i'd be very very happy. lol. i'm guessing she's got really long legs. ah, if only i could of 'em. LOL. oh yeah. credits go to learning to breathe, switchfoot for their eppic lyrics and this template (as plain as it seems) belongs to moi and i'm damn proud of it. lol. mhmm. false pride. anyways, any last notes? heeeck yeah, i like to ramble. lmao. hope you weren't too lost in all of the detail. i'm still trying to figure out how to explain it and such.

[phoenix n. malfoy]

I HOPE YOU FIND A WAY

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TO MAKE IT BACK TO ME
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today was a very important day. phoenix had woken up two hours too early for one purpose alone, and that was to visit one of his closest friends and ex-girlfriend arya wallece. his story with arya was....a little more than complicated, needless to say, but after their relationship ended which he still felt a little bad about, the two had decided to remain close friends. at least....that's how he wanted it. arya was just too special of a person to let go completely, even if they weren't completely compatible for one another in the romantic sense. he hadn't mentioned them breaking up because of her mpd, despite what could have been said about the ending of their relationship. but rumors and the nonsense that university drama included had no impact upon their friendship. arya was an incredible person, through and through -- and hearing of her painting that she had made for him brought an instant smile to his face. actually, any conversation or anything related to arya brought a smile to his face. despite how close he was to his sister -- and how much he adored her strength by making it through all the stife and grief that she'd had to endure the past year and a half -- the closest person to him outside of family was arya, hands down. at the risk of being entirely un-manly in mentioning this, her smile just brought so much joy to him -- joy that, as a malfoy, he would have never expected to have in any relationship, romantic or not. spending so much time with draco had changed him in a way that almost persuaded him to feel sorry for his parents. but then again....they brought it on themselves. didn't they?

but family matters had nothing to do with this. worrying about his family and his social standing only made his hair stand on end, and he couldn't be that way around arya. she would know that something was wrong with him, and he wouldn't dare bother her with his drama. well, the usual amount of drama that surrounded his family, anyway. finishing that thought, phoenix stepped into the shower, adjusting the temperature to a little warmer than usual. fifteen minutes later, phoenix found himself staring into his closet, puzzled as to what he was going to wear to the park. he couldn't don his usual suit, and he certainly couldn't go in shorts. therefore, he had to meet his fashion sense somewhere in the middle. maybe some jeans with a vest and a scarf? yep, that would do. phoenix quickly got dressed, only to glance at the clock and realize that he still had thirty minutes before it was time to meet miss embry and arya at the park. well, bollocks, what was he going to do now? he had no idea what arya's coffee of choice was, therefore buying her starbucks was a rather futile effort. he had no idea what she was allergic to either, so buying her breakfast was a rather ridiculous thought as well. well, then....he'd apparate to the nearest shopping center and buy her a scarf. or....something. and he'd get one for miss emery as well, just for the sake of being nice. merlin, this wasn't like phoenix malfoy at all.

after apparating to the mall, he quickly picked out two scarves that any fashionable woman could stand to be in. phoenix chose two completely different colors, just so he wouldn't look like a doof in front of them. somehow, women just knew when a man had been entirely uncreative. it was a rather unfair advantage, honestly, but since it was arya....he'd disregard the fact that the thought had made him furrow his eyebrows in frustration. it was arya, afterall. she could commit first-degree murder and phoenix would still see her as the perfect girl that she was now. he had no idea why she had that kind of power over him, really....but she did, and he was made to deal with it. pleasantly so, of course. apparating to the park, a half-smile quickly appeared upon his lips as the two ladies came into view. "arrie!" he said, nodding to miss emery in the process. as per the usual, his hair was a mess -- but arya was used to that. they generally laughed about his inability to manage his hair. phoenix slowly allowed the smile to turn into a grin, waving his arm as he walked up to arya and wrapped her in a light hug, pulling from behind him the two scarves. "i picked these up on the way over here. i had no idea what kind of coffee either of you enjoyed, so i hope these'll do instead." he smiled, his hands holding both of the scarves. again, he was being far too nice for the average malfoy, halfblood or not. but for arya, he'd do just about anything.

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this post is tagged for arya, and is who knows how many words. as for notes, they are sooooo cute.

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[arya c. wallece]

LEARNING TO BREATHE

if you were to see arya in the streets, you would have never thought of her again. you would have never really even looked at her properly. she was just a normal girl with normal problems in her normal home. she had normal friends with normal lives and normalness must have just surrounded her or something. but if you ever saw her with phoenix malfoy, that. was a whole different situation. the two of them had an instant connection with each other and anyone could see that. arya had a difficult time trying to see these things, but even she knew that they had something special. she didn’t know what it was... she didn’t know how it came to be, it just was. she wished she could remember most of their times together though. see, the problem with having multiple personalities in one body was that people had the tendency to assume you remembered them. they thought they were just people who met a freak with many people inside one person. they seemed to forget that she wasn’t like everyone else and it took three times the effort to really get to know her. three times for the three people. the things she remembered of phoenix were limited. but it was arya who remembered the way she felt about him when they were dating. she still turned red whenever she thought about it. all of those times where he held her in his arms, the way it felt like when his fingers brushed against her cheek or the way he whispered to her softly as if she were the only girl there for him. the way he gently led her to the middle of the dining room and taught her to dance, the way she laughed and he would just smile... she used to love it when they were walking down the street, hand in hand and people would just envy what they had. it was one of the few prides she got. it wasn’t very often when arya felt proud about something, but knowing that phoenix had been there for her, always, was something else. when they broke up, she couldn’t remember those other times they were together. she soon got over it, she couldn’t remember how, but they were friends... yes, they were friends and nothing more. she knew when to draw the line and if he was ready to move on, then so should she... shouldn’t she? and then there was adrienne who only saw glimpses of him. to her, he was the tall, sexy guy who was just a challenge. she never asked for his name. instead, she asked her friends about him and they responded with quickly. it was the malfoy boy and daaaayum, did he look just as gorgeous as everyone said. adri wasn’t that great in being discreet, but she tried to be. she remembered walking up to him at school, but... but that was all she remembered. she couldn’t remember anymore after that. all she really noticed where his physical features. the way his hair was always messed up, his half smile. his broad shoulders and serious expression in his eyes, they were all part of phoenix malfoy that adrienne couldn’t help but notice.

and then, lastly, there was twelve who probably had the best relationship with him at this point. he was her birdie. her birdie. no one else’s. the things they talked about were priceless. she loved talking to him about everything! some of the things were about her brother or maybe the weather. or maybe a dream she once had or a picture she was working on, everything, but their own relationship, her multiple personalities, and her home. those were the three subjects she strayed away from. then again, it wasn’t like twelve would ever think of the two dating. that was just the most bizarre thought for her! she thought of birdie more as an older brother. then again, wasn’t he like, so much older than her? but her mpd, she didn’t know she had it too. she heard of the term, but as a twelve year old, the last thing she really wanted to do was look it up. she could hardly care less about an mpd. she remembered thinking, isn’t it just a cheap form of an mp3? anyways, then, came her last subject where she could clearly think about parts of it, but it wasn’t the happiest time of her life. twelve could just never see why you’d ever focus on the negative when you could focus on the positive! arya hugged him back and giggled in the childish manner. she stood back to look at the scarves and only for a few seconds did the nineteen year old, mature look, come upon her face. she analyzed each color, debating on which matched with her clothing. finally a small smile formed upon her face and she lightly took the maroon scarf from his hand, “thank you.” she gave him a quick hug before looking at it more closely. in just a blink of an eye, arya smiled brightly and spun around, “it’s so pretty! i love all the colors and the sparkles and everything!” she giggled again and skipped over to the bench, “miss emery! miss emery! look what birdie got me! isn’t it soooo pretty? he got one for you too!” miss emery smiled and shook her head lightly, “oh really? thank you mr. malfoy- now if you’d like to come over, we should get started with our session,” she chuckled, seeing arya trying to count all of the sequins on the scarf.

I'M LEARNING TO CRAWL
holaa metroooo station!. this post has about... er. 939 words. i swear, i am incapable of uber small posts. anyways, she's wearing this hurr pretty little outfit. boy, if i could pull that off, i'd be very very happy. lol. i'm guessing she's got really long legs. ah, if only i could of 'em. LOL. oh yeah. credits go to learning to breathe, switchfoot for their eppic lyrics and this template (as plain as it seems) belongs to moi and i'm damn proud of it. lol. mhmm. false pride. anyways, any last notes? heeeck yeah, i like to ramble. yeees! they're absolutely adorable! although i'm curious to know whether you see the differences. lmao <33

[phoenix n. malfoy]

I HOPE YOU FIND A WAY

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TO MAKE IT BACK TO ME
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phoenix malfoy did a whole lot of things that many people would have been ashamed about. firstly, he was half-ashamed of a majority of his family (considering that the weasley/potter clan outnumbered the malfoys by a long shot), but also because he had begun to study the dark arts over his number of years at the university. his father had begun to worry about his only son, given the fact that he hardly ever spent any time at home. as for holidays, it was a given that phoenix wouldn't be spending it with his parents or dahlia. he would be at his grandparents' house, locked away in his grandfather's study filled with all sorts of knowledge that his father would have wanted him to stay away from. it seemed as though draco was proud of his half-blood grandson, despite who his mother was. phoenix partially understood why dahlia never came with him to the malfoy manor -- she was closer to the weasley side of their family, which was perfectly fine. it wasn't that phoenix despised them -- no, he quite enjoyed their company on the odd occasion -- but much like his grandfather, he tended to keep his distance. he knew that ron and hermione didn't much enjoy that fact, but they had respected it nonetheless, and he had to give them props for that.

besides, it wasn't like they didn't have one grandchild to spoil and adore. at one point, they'd even had a grandchild. oh, godric. why did he have to go and do that? it wasn't his fault that dahlia's husband and child had gotten killed, but....merlin, he missed that little boy. her husband hadn't been a bad guy, despite what he had thought of him to begin with. it was his job as her older brother to watch over her and all that, so in the beginning he hadn't much agreed with the boy she had fallen in love with. but shortly after her son was born...well, that had all changed, hadn't it? he even found himself in some kind of odd friendship with the guy, if not only because of his sister and orion. he'd never tell a soul, but a great part of him was still mourning the loss of his nephew. and that part of him would never be the same, despite how much he had tried to fill that emptiness with something else. reading was futile, and college was pointless when it came down to matters like this. he had even tried to talk to a therapist at one point, given arya's warm reaction to talking to miss emery on occasion. that wasn't of much use to him either, though. it happened the exact same way, every time. the therapist would start off slow, asking him about his day and all that -- and he would reply, calmly and politely as always -- and somehow, she would end up asking him everything he could possibly stand to tell about orion, his sister, and her husband. things that he would have never disclosed to anyone or anything, and hated having those things torn away from him. he eventually yelled at her and stormed out, unable to rid himself of the heat that continually rose in his face, stinging his cheeks. phoenix malfoy was a very private person, and death was just not a concept that he was comfortable with.

but when he was around arya, death wasn't much of an issue. in fact, he hardly thought about much of anything when he was around her. perhaps that's why he enjoyed her company so much -- he didn't have to worry about life so much when she was in his presence. they talked about anything under the sun -- except his family, of course -- and he felt completely at ease, like he could tell her anything. unfortunately, that would forever exclude the topic that phoenix couldn't bear telling anyone else about. but arya understood that phoenix was a private person. afterall, they had known each other for quite some time, now -- they had even dated once, though that hadn't worked out in the end. they were very close friends now, though, and that's all that really mattered to him. he could write her every day of the week, and somehow he just knew that she wouldn't have minded a bit. if phoenix had one friend that he could absolutely rely upon no matter what, it was arya. he smiled as she hugged him, a smile that no one generally saw from him. he was grinning from ear-to-ear, his face lighting up in a rather unusual way, especially coming from a malfoy. "you're very welcome. i'm glad you both like them." he allowed his smile to soften, nodding as miss emery noted that the session needed to be started. "of course," he said, following her lead. he glanced once more towards arya, the same unusual grin appearing as he watched her count the sequins on the scarf.

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this post is tagged for arya. as for notes, i could, actually. <3

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[arya c. wallece]

LEARNING TO BREATHE

the first day of the session had been a disaster. it was adrienne who entered the building, her hair up in a high ponytail, sporting a short skirt and tight t-shirt. while it did attract much attention from the boys, it did not at all please miss emery. the woman was tall, blond, curves in the right spot, could have been a super model if she wanted to be. adri hated her already. i mean, seriously? what sorta woman had that and wanted to go into psychology of all things? sure, she could pick up some hot doctors, but that was about it, right? laaaame! she smirked at the thought as she strolled into the room. she wasn’t going to do this crap. this was psycho shit. i mean, if she had an issue, she sure wasn’t going to talk about it to people. she rolled her eyes, put her feet onto the coffee table, and took out her fashion magazine. if this lady thought she was going to be cooperative, yeah, think about it again. it ain’t gonna happen, that’s what adri thought. miss emery walked inside, her eyes widening for just the split second before pretending to act normal. she saw it. the woman thought she was discrete, but adri was smarter than she appeared to be. she knew what was going on. “so hello miss wallece, i’m teresa emery, your mum said she had worries about you? your brother also has contacted me on several occasions about your whereabouts. he seems to be very concerned about you,” the blondie said, her voice sharp as it was firm. adrienne rolled her eyes again, tucking a piece of blond hair behind her ear. she didn’t like people who told on her. she didn’t want her mum to be in her business. it sort of gave away from the definition of freedom and dammit, she was in college now. she was fine, she was free, and she wanted her privacy. she shrugged and tapped some of the dirt off of her boot, just to annoy the woman a little more. the blondie seemed to have stiffened and adrienne smiled mockingly. “miss wallece, i’m not here to barge into your life. i want to help you. there are so many people here who care about you and we all want to help you. i can only help though, if you let me,” she said, her voice quieting a little as if it were a sympathetic trick. the woman was just joking. she wasn’t serious was she? no one gave a damn about her. adri didn’t trust people. the only person she really trusted was her brother and that was because he stuck through every piece of shit that she did. she knew he didn’t quite like her all the time, but that was the difference. this woman had no right telling her that she wanted to help her. she didn’t care whether she had been paid to help, she didn’t care whether she could give her a million gallons. she didn’t want her help and she sure in hell didn’t need it. she shook her head, “leave me the hell alone. i don’t need your ‘therapy’,” she put up air quotes, her voice on the edge of breaking. instead of crying like she wanted to do, adrienne’s lips twisted into a snarky sneer, “you may think you’re helping the world, but you’re not. you’re destroying their own sense of privacy. you don’t know what it’s like to have issues. you think our problems are huge? yeah, try screwing with your own. i think it’s just fucked up that you have this sense of wanting to help us feel to you. you’re not. you think you are, but you’re not. you never will. all of those patients you’ve had in the past and in the future and whatever shit, you’re screwin’ up their lives and your own. just go to a bar, drink up a damned gallon of whiskey, and then, go to a strip club. i’m sure you’d get paid so much more there than you do here.” her expression was nothing short of cruel, but she was definitely enjoying it. did she like inflicting pain? yes. very much. what she didn’t know was that the moment she closed the door, miss emery buried her face in her hands and started to cry. the only thing is that if adrienne knew blondie started crying, she would have been twice as satisfied, but the dull pain in her chest would have never left.

twelve liked to think that birdie was her brother sometimes. she loved lukey, she really did! but sometimes he was a bit too protective. he wanted to hold her hand when she walked around the street and really! she was twelve years old! she didn’t need anyone to help her! birdie was the one person who could help her and be her best friend as well as be her older brother. it was the perfect situation. and he grew up too fast, she could tell. he needed a little more fun in his life and she was always determined to make that happen. she smiled brightly as she led him to the bench where miss emery was sitting. miss emery crossed her legs and as usual asked her how her day was, “i’ve been good! i really like being with birdie though! he’s always with me and he’s here now! we were owling each other back and forth! i liked doing that! that was tonsa fun! and guess what? i did my picture! i did for him! wanna see? i’m so excited!” twelve giggled and took out a folded up piece of paper. it had been folded up only four times, but obviously the picture had made with much care and love. she smiled brightly, handing it to him, “it’s a little small- they didn’t have any more big canvases... eses, but i thought it would be nice small!”

I'M LEARNING TO CRAWL
holaa metroooo station!. this post has about... er. 1015 words. i swear, i am incapable of uber small posts. anyways, she's wearing this hurr pretty little outfit. boy, if i could pull that off, i'd be very very happy. lol. i'm guessing she's got really long legs. ah, if only i could of 'em. LOL. oh yeah. credits go to learning to breathe, switchfoot for their eppic lyrics and this template (as plain as it seems) belongs to moi and i'm damn proud of it. lol. mhmm. false pride. anyways, any last notes? heeeck yeah, i like to ramble. aweeesomish- here's arya's picture -- i knew you'd be super curious, eh? lmaoo. thankgawd for photoshop! <33

[phoenix n. malfoy]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 400px; background-color: #343434; padding:20px; border-top: 10px #grey solid; border-bottom: 10px #grey solid;] repair your broken wings ( WORDS ) ---- ( TAGGED ) AUS ( STATUS ) INCOMPLETE of all the people phoenix malfoy surrounded himself with, arya wallece was the one person he could count on all the time. phoenix never had to worry about arya betraying his trust, or not being there when he needed her most. unlike most people, arya still had that childlike devotion about her, a quality that probably drew phoenix to her the most. sure, they had dated in the past, but now they were extremely close friends, and probably had a brother-sister relationship moreso than anything else. as far as he was concerned, they were family. so when arya asked phoenix to attend another one of her meetings, phoenix had immediately set his heart on going. not only was he doing it for arya, but a small portion (or considerably large, he wouldn't admit to which) of him wanted to see the portrait she had made of him. WIPWIPWIPWIP. will finish this soonnnn.

table by CALIFORNIA DREAMING of CAUTION 2.0, lyrics by maroon 5