Post by nicolette h. lestrange on Sept 12, 2011 21:05:40 GMT -5
i've never loved someone as much as i love you but i can't love you
nico held the notebook in her arms, it was clutched to her chest after she finished writing a few words down. never in her entire life had nicolette honour lestrange kept a journal, but in his particular moment in her time she felt like it was the only thing that was keeping her from going completely and utterly insane. it was helping her stay calm and collected. at least some what. as of now staying sane until her abortion appointment. she wondered softly if she would consider this her first child after it was gone or if it would not be. more often than not this thought rang through her mind as did the thought of benedikt perlin but most of the time she tried very hard to ignore the way his blonde hair and brown eyes made her stomach flip... and not in the way that she wanted to throw up. however the way that she was leaning against the wall at the moment sitting on the floor the notebook on her lap simply writing what she was feeling... every once in a while she would check her stomach, it was still relatively flat with a hint of looking like it was going to bloat... of course it was mostly in her imagination, her stomach would remain flat for a few more weeks... but the baby wouldn't last that long her appointment would make sure of it. she looked down at the empty notebook labelled ben. she wanted to write something about him but nothing came to mind. she couldn't think of absolutely anything to write about the guy who had gotten her in this entire mess that she didn't want to be in. he was a jerk yes. and she hated him because of the mess that he had placed in but when she really got to thinking about him it wasn't anything like that. her thoughts would drift into the memory of the way he wrapped his arms around her waist and she'd find herself smiling. she hated herself for it... but it was true.
however more often than not she found herself wondering about the thing that lived inside of her... would it be a boy or girl? how much would it weigh if it was born? so many thoughts ran through her mind. she didn't want to think about but couldn't help wondering. it made the baby more realistic but she couldn't help it. late at night sometimes she would wonder what it'd look like, if they would like her... what she'd name them. she wouldn't honestly decide for the life of her why she was having these thoughts she just was and it was clearly to some point that she wanted to have it.... but it was too early and she'd already made the appointment and she couldn't have it. no. it was her life. she couldn't keep it. she'd seen it happen in adalia nott, the girl went awall for a year before she came back with child, no nico couldn't just drop out of school, she wanted to teach literature, she wanted to write, she wanted to do so much more with her life than have a baby at such a young age. it wouldn't be fair to herself.... it wouldn't be fair to the family that she was born in... but the child... no she couldn't have it. she wouldn't have it. nico shook her head softly as she continued to stare at the blank page under her. she closed the journal deciding that today she wouldn't be able to write about him, hell the boy didn't even know that he had fathered something in her, not that he needed to know after all, she was going to ki- get rid of it. oh that four letter word. she didn't want to think of it like that, like she was actually doing that, she was just placing it somewhere else. nico closed her eyes softly, just placing it somewhere. she stood from where she sat and took one glimpse at the empty hallway, one good thing about the university was that it had a lot of empty hallways, and she loved to sit in one of them and just close her eyes and let her thoughts wonder on and on. just before she reached the door to the exit though she saw the man she couldn't write about... the father to the unborn. she saw "ben."
however more often than not she found herself wondering about the thing that lived inside of her... would it be a boy or girl? how much would it weigh if it was born? so many thoughts ran through her mind. she didn't want to think about but couldn't help wondering. it made the baby more realistic but she couldn't help it. late at night sometimes she would wonder what it'd look like, if they would like her... what she'd name them. she wouldn't honestly decide for the life of her why she was having these thoughts she just was and it was clearly to some point that she wanted to have it.... but it was too early and she'd already made the appointment and she couldn't have it. no. it was her life. she couldn't keep it. she'd seen it happen in adalia nott, the girl went awall for a year before she came back with child, no nico couldn't just drop out of school, she wanted to teach literature, she wanted to write, she wanted to do so much more with her life than have a baby at such a young age. it wouldn't be fair to herself.... it wouldn't be fair to the family that she was born in... but the child... no she couldn't have it. she wouldn't have it. nico shook her head softly as she continued to stare at the blank page under her. she closed the journal deciding that today she wouldn't be able to write about him, hell the boy didn't even know that he had fathered something in her, not that he needed to know after all, she was going to ki- get rid of it. oh that four letter word. she didn't want to think of it like that, like she was actually doing that, she was just placing it somewhere else. nico closed her eyes softly, just placing it somewhere. she stood from where she sat and took one glimpse at the empty hallway, one good thing about the university was that it had a lot of empty hallways, and she loved to sit in one of them and just close her eyes and let her thoughts wonder on and on. just before she reached the door to the exit though she saw the man she couldn't write about... the father to the unborn. she saw "ben."
tag ben, picture to owner, jeans and tee, hehe <33333
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